I had a look at the list of Google search terms that brought people to my blog.
Here are some of the funniest and weirdest:
animal porn octopus
blood simple cigarette moose
cuz our love will last for ever the moose
epic tit wank
extreme octo porn
ford capri poison
funk connection moose moose moose if you loved me you say
is harriet harman a space invader?
many handjobs
wayne topping porn
διττο μοωεσ
Who types this stuff into Google?
I'm off to find out if Harriet Harman, is in fact a space invader.....
Bad weather assistance for ethnic monorities only. *Updated*
I have a friend in Chesterfield and he has just phoned me with this story. I have not been able to verify it yet, but apparently there is similar on Facebook.
They have had the snow very bad where they are and because the temperature has not gone above freezing for over a week, the bad snow has now all turned to ice.
There is an old couple living on their street who cannot leave the house because of the treacherous conditions. My friend has been doing some shopping for them but apparently they have doctors appointments to get to.
His Mrs rang the council this morning to ask if there was anything they could do for them. The council asked for their address, then told them they are unable to help because they are not registered ethnic minorities.
"Priority is being given to ethnic minorities because they are not used to the cold weather."
This non ethnic minority old couple can go sing.
Has anyone heard similar stories to this one? Let me know.
*UPDATE* I spoke with Chesterfield council. They deny they are using any such system to prioritise and have promised to "Investigate the incident". I have now passed this back. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.
They have had the snow very bad where they are and because the temperature has not gone above freezing for over a week, the bad snow has now all turned to ice.
There is an old couple living on their street who cannot leave the house because of the treacherous conditions. My friend has been doing some shopping for them but apparently they have doctors appointments to get to.
His Mrs rang the council this morning to ask if there was anything they could do for them. The council asked for their address, then told them they are unable to help because they are not registered ethnic minorities.
"Priority is being given to ethnic minorities because they are not used to the cold weather."
This non ethnic minority old couple can go sing.
Has anyone heard similar stories to this one? Let me know.
*UPDATE* I spoke with Chesterfield council. They deny they are using any such system to prioritise and have promised to "Investigate the incident". I have now passed this back. Maybe it was just a misunderstanding.
Assange arrested.
I've paid very little attention to Wikileaks so far. I'm not really interested and it doesn't seem like much of note has been leaked anyway.
I might need to take another look now that Julian Assange has been arrested in London on sexual assault charges from Sweden.
If this guy is actually leaking serious, top secret government documents, he can't be arrested on charges of espionage or revealing state secrets. That would validate all the information he has released. People might start to take more of an interest and the information might appear on more websites.
However, convicting him of rape charges discredits him as a person and discredits all the "secret" information he has released so far. The sheep are unlikely to believe the word of a convicted rapist, they are more likely to call shouting for his balls to be cut off or some such rubbish.
In the meantime, Wikileaks quietly disappears. Job done.
I might need to take another look now that Julian Assange has been arrested in London on sexual assault charges from Sweden.
If this guy is actually leaking serious, top secret government documents, he can't be arrested on charges of espionage or revealing state secrets. That would validate all the information he has released. People might start to take more of an interest and the information might appear on more websites.
However, convicting him of rape charges discredits him as a person and discredits all the "secret" information he has released so far. The sheep are unlikely to believe the word of a convicted rapist, they are more likely to call shouting for his balls to be cut off or some such rubbish.
In the meantime, Wikileaks quietly disappears. Job done.
Before there were kings
I'm going to take you back to the day it all started. The day before I found myself locked up in this hell hole at the whim of the people. The beginning, when things were good.
It was only a small village with a hundred or so people. It was new and we were just finding our feet. We had nothing to speak of and everyone was working their fingers to the bone in order to survive.
The huts were built, the crops were planted and watered, people had shelter and enough to eat but times were hard. Ploughing the fields and planting the crops was back breaking work. All the water needed to be carried down from a nearby hill, in buckets, to the crops. People worked from dawn to dusk.
We helped each other out. One person might fish for two hours for another, and in exchange, that person might fix the others roof. I would gather firewood for one family while they would husk coconuts for me. We had a free exchange of manpower to benefit each other.
I had a bit of an idea. Rather than bringing buckets of water down from the hill, could we not build some kind of piping system to do it. So for the next few months, after the days work was done, instead of relaxing I went up the hill and built my system of pipes out of tree bark and bamboo. It was a hard slog but when it was done the rewards were great. I no longer had to spend two hours per day walking up the hill for water. I had worked hard during the time that should have been my rest period in order to make my life a little easier.
Others in the village saw my piping system and wanted a piece of it. I asked them' if they could have water from my pipes in five minutes rather than spending two hours collecting it from the hill, would they be willing to work for one hour on various tasks for me. They were more than happy to say yes. By using my system they saved two hours work per day, used one of those hours working for me and had the other as free time.
Myself, I now had two hours free per day because I didn't need to collect water and I saved a few hours more because others were working my fields. This gave me plenty of time to work on my next invention, the horse drawn plough.
By renting out my plough for more hours work, I managed to invent a water driven millstone, amongst other things. People used my technology to save them time and in trade they spent some of that time working for me.
In return for my initial effort and ingenuity, I managed to become a wealthy man. I now had twenty families all working one hour a day for me so I could retire. I managed to free myself from ever needing to work again. Of course there was no money in our village but money is only a reflection of the value of human labour. My inventions freed me of the need for labour and freed many of the villagers of much of theirs.
My example should have inspired the villagers to do more of the same with the free time that I provided for them. Maybe one of them could have spent their free time making boats to sail out to where the fishing is more plentiful. Then by renting his boats to others, he would have no more need to fish.
But no. The people soon began to get jealous. They saw me doing no manual work when they still had to, even though it was much less. They decided that my inventions should not be owned and directed by me alone. They wanted them to be owned by the collective so everyone could be equal.
They broke into my hut and dragged my off to prison. They took control of my piping system, my millstone and my ploughs and declared that they were available for the use of the whole village equally. They decided that they didn't want to work for me, but wanted use of my labours for free, to be distributed throughout the collective.
What about the guy who might have built the boats? Well he saw what happened to me and decide not to bother. It was better for him to just keep his mouth shut in case he suffered my fate. He also saw what happened to my supporters. They were intimidated, threatened and beaten up. To avoid the same wrath falling on him, he just shouted along with the crowd.
Eventually the equipment started breaking down because no one knew how to maintain of fix it. I could not do anything because I was in prison as an enemy of the people. No one wanted to try and fix the equipment because it was not their responsibility and they did not understand it anyway.
None of my other planned inventions ever came to fruition because I was languishing in prison. The society we had created came to a halt. Progression stopped.
The downward spiral that followed takes us to the next part of the story, told by Captain Ranty.
It was only a small village with a hundred or so people. It was new and we were just finding our feet. We had nothing to speak of and everyone was working their fingers to the bone in order to survive.
The huts were built, the crops were planted and watered, people had shelter and enough to eat but times were hard. Ploughing the fields and planting the crops was back breaking work. All the water needed to be carried down from a nearby hill, in buckets, to the crops. People worked from dawn to dusk.
We helped each other out. One person might fish for two hours for another, and in exchange, that person might fix the others roof. I would gather firewood for one family while they would husk coconuts for me. We had a free exchange of manpower to benefit each other.
I had a bit of an idea. Rather than bringing buckets of water down from the hill, could we not build some kind of piping system to do it. So for the next few months, after the days work was done, instead of relaxing I went up the hill and built my system of pipes out of tree bark and bamboo. It was a hard slog but when it was done the rewards were great. I no longer had to spend two hours per day walking up the hill for water. I had worked hard during the time that should have been my rest period in order to make my life a little easier.
Others in the village saw my piping system and wanted a piece of it. I asked them' if they could have water from my pipes in five minutes rather than spending two hours collecting it from the hill, would they be willing to work for one hour on various tasks for me. They were more than happy to say yes. By using my system they saved two hours work per day, used one of those hours working for me and had the other as free time.
Myself, I now had two hours free per day because I didn't need to collect water and I saved a few hours more because others were working my fields. This gave me plenty of time to work on my next invention, the horse drawn plough.
By renting out my plough for more hours work, I managed to invent a water driven millstone, amongst other things. People used my technology to save them time and in trade they spent some of that time working for me.
In return for my initial effort and ingenuity, I managed to become a wealthy man. I now had twenty families all working one hour a day for me so I could retire. I managed to free myself from ever needing to work again. Of course there was no money in our village but money is only a reflection of the value of human labour. My inventions freed me of the need for labour and freed many of the villagers of much of theirs.
My example should have inspired the villagers to do more of the same with the free time that I provided for them. Maybe one of them could have spent their free time making boats to sail out to where the fishing is more plentiful. Then by renting his boats to others, he would have no more need to fish.
But no. The people soon began to get jealous. They saw me doing no manual work when they still had to, even though it was much less. They decided that my inventions should not be owned and directed by me alone. They wanted them to be owned by the collective so everyone could be equal.
They broke into my hut and dragged my off to prison. They took control of my piping system, my millstone and my ploughs and declared that they were available for the use of the whole village equally. They decided that they didn't want to work for me, but wanted use of my labours for free, to be distributed throughout the collective.
What about the guy who might have built the boats? Well he saw what happened to me and decide not to bother. It was better for him to just keep his mouth shut in case he suffered my fate. He also saw what happened to my supporters. They were intimidated, threatened and beaten up. To avoid the same wrath falling on him, he just shouted along with the crowd.
Eventually the equipment started breaking down because no one knew how to maintain of fix it. I could not do anything because I was in prison as an enemy of the people. No one wanted to try and fix the equipment because it was not their responsibility and they did not understand it anyway.
None of my other planned inventions ever came to fruition because I was languishing in prison. The society we had created came to a halt. Progression stopped.
The downward spiral that followed takes us to the next part of the story, told by Captain Ranty.
Who's up for a game of soundbite bingo?
Get your cards and your dabbers ready. Check off the highlighted buzzwords and soundbites in order. Eyes down, look in.
How well did you do?
When we talk of cuts affecting bollocks like this, it just serves to remind me how much of our money the last government wasted. It also shows how little the new government are committed to the cuts. All shit like this should be scrapped completely. The responsibility for tearaway kids on the verge of crime lands squarely with the parents. It cannot be passed off to the government, however much they want to take on the responsibility in order to control ever more areas of our lives.
When you have children they are your responsibility. New Labour would have you convinced that every problem in life is down to someone else and can even be prevented through legislation.
This is not the case. Get used to it.
Burnley projects for young tearaways scrapped
PROJECTS to help young tearaways and troubled parents in Burnley have been scrapped ahead of government cutbacks, the Lancashire Telegraph can reveal.
The loss of the Challenge and Support Team initiative (CAST), which worked with ‘at risk’ youngsters, on the fringes of criminality, is the second juvenile anti-social behaviour scheme to be scrapped in the county within the past few weeks.
Youth experts from CAST worked with teenagers in schools and community centres to promote self-esteem and improve their decision-making abilities, in a bid to steer them clear of crime.
Around £600,000 is already being saved following the axing of GRIP, the Lancashire Group Intervention Panel, after the countywide programme lost Youth Justice Board funding.
Another Burnley operation, where a ‘parenting co-ordinator’ worked with crisis-hit families, has also been withdrawn.
The decisions were made by the borough’s community safety partnership and the work ended last month, though the changes have only just been made public.
In total the moves will free up funding of more than £180,000, which should support the work pf Burnley’s family intervention project, the only community safety education scheme now left, during 2010-11.
Sam McConnell, the council’s community safety manager, said in an executive report though that even that work will be ‘streamlined’ compared to current activity.
Financial support for each of the three areas had previously been protected but government officials have told authorities this is no longer the case.
Mr McConnell added: “There is no confirmation of future funding post-March 2011 and the removal of the ringfencing conditions indicates, in the current financial climate, that continuation funding for these projects from central Government is unlikely.”
Under the revised project, there will be funding for a supervisor, two key workers and 75 per cent of the funding for a police-seconded post can be provided.
How well did you do?
When we talk of cuts affecting bollocks like this, it just serves to remind me how much of our money the last government wasted. It also shows how little the new government are committed to the cuts. All shit like this should be scrapped completely. The responsibility for tearaway kids on the verge of crime lands squarely with the parents. It cannot be passed off to the government, however much they want to take on the responsibility in order to control ever more areas of our lives.
When you have children they are your responsibility. New Labour would have you convinced that every problem in life is down to someone else and can even be prevented through legislation.
This is not the case. Get used to it.
Birthdays, families and Nivea For Men
Its my birthday tomorrow. Yay! Not.
We went out for a family meal this evening to celebrate the, oh so happy occasion.
Me and Mrs Bucko had to pay a fifty pound deposit for the table, so that was our part of the bill covered. We just sat back and watched the hilarity of everyone else trying to figure out what they owe.
Folk get so distressed if they think they are paying for someone eles's extra scoop of iced cream.
I got some presents too. The angle grinder that I asked for, arrived. I'm gonna have some fun with that.
Have you seen those adverts for "Nivea for men" and "Loreal Men Expert"? It's like they are trying to sell women's crappy skin cream to men. Every time I see the adverts, I shout at the telly, "As if blokes are gonna buy that crap!"
Well one prezzie I got was a Nivea For Men gift set. Mrs Bucko nearly spat her wine out when she saw me open it. Fortunately it was shower gel and pit spray, not some anti-wrinkle cream or eye lotion rubbish, so it did turn out to be a useful present.
I also got some bottles of cask bitter. I'm gonna kick back with those now and watch Amytiville 2.
Happy Sunday.
We went out for a family meal this evening to celebrate the, oh so happy occasion.
Me and Mrs Bucko had to pay a fifty pound deposit for the table, so that was our part of the bill covered. We just sat back and watched the hilarity of everyone else trying to figure out what they owe.
Folk get so distressed if they think they are paying for someone eles's extra scoop of iced cream.
I got some presents too. The angle grinder that I asked for, arrived. I'm gonna have some fun with that.
Have you seen those adverts for "Nivea for men" and "Loreal Men Expert"? It's like they are trying to sell women's crappy skin cream to men. Every time I see the adverts, I shout at the telly, "As if blokes are gonna buy that crap!"
Well one prezzie I got was a Nivea For Men gift set. Mrs Bucko nearly spat her wine out when she saw me open it. Fortunately it was shower gel and pit spray, not some anti-wrinkle cream or eye lotion rubbish, so it did turn out to be a useful present.
I also got some bottles of cask bitter. I'm gonna kick back with those now and watch Amytiville 2.
Happy Sunday.
Where's the point?
For the first time in quite a few years, my driving licence is clean. Throughout my driving career of fifteen years, I've had a total of fifteen points and over eight hundred quids worth of fines and penalties.
So where did it all go wrong? Why have the traffic cops and the courts had to keep coming down on me? It's because I'm a terrible driver and a huge threat to society, obviously. For "terrible driver" and "huge threat" read, I choose to ignore all their crappy laws.
I have never caused a traffic accident or harmed another person, or put them at undue risk on the roads through my own actions.
Really?So why all the fines and stuff? I'm going to start with a pretty bad example, but I have to start with it as it's the first one, chronologically.
I was nineteen, I had been driving for about a year and I got caught speeding on the motorway. I can't quote any high minded ideals for this one, it was back before the day I discovered Libertarianism, back in the times when I was just another sheep of the state.
I was doing 101mph. Oops! Maybe that's a little high, but still, it was a clear day and traffic was light and no harm was done. I was summonsed straight to court and given 6 points and a 250 quid fine. Apparently I got off lightly because you are supposed to be banned if you go over 100mph. Fortunately the duty solicitor was a good one, however he wasn't Captain Ranty.
That was closely followed by a sixty quid fine for parking on a double yellow line.
My next biggy was in my clapped out Ford Capri. (Shut up, we all had one). I got three points and a 100 quid fine for "defective parts". The front wing had rusted through at the tip. The copper said it was dangerous if I hit someone because it would drag them under the car?? They probably shouldn't be in the road in the first place but he wasn't interested in that. The second fault was the battery was loose in the tray. He said if I have a crash the battery would jump up out of the tray and spray horrid nasty stuff all over the place. That's assuming the battery somehow made it's way out of the bonnet, and besides modern batteries are sealed quite well. Again, no interest, just a fine.
I later got a rather large fine for having no tax on the Capri, in excess of 100 quid. I taxed the car but ignored the fine. I also got fines (they call it an offer of "out of court settlement") for 28 quid on a Carlton and 97 quid on an Escort for no tax. All ignored, all went away.
I got a letter through the post from Lancashire Police saying I was to be fined sixty quid for doing 36 in a 30 zone in Preston. I wrote back saying someone was test driving the car with a view to buying it. They let me off. These days it probably wouldn't be that easy.
I've been pulled over in excess of twenty times for a random breath test or just a random stop check, none of which have resulted in any problems.One time I saw the cop car turn round after it passed me so I just pulled over, got out and waited. The police were quite shocked and seemed a bit nervous. I think they thought I was going to go Reservoir Dogs on them. I said it was obvious you were going to pull me so I thought I'd save us both some time. Every time I get pulled, I get out and light a fag. They always ask me to put it out and I always say no. Neither do I answer any questions or provide any documents at the roadside.
The crowning glory of my penalty points history was being done for driving with no insurance. You know when you have a comprehensive policy and it allows you to drive other cars? Well I've always had that until one time I forgot to read the small print. This was about three and a half years ago.
I borrowed my dads car because my clapped out Sierra 4x4 had broken down. It was the first time I took his car out and I got caught straight off. I have no idea how they knew. I tried to explain it was a mistake and I was only two minutes away from home but they were having none of it. They impounded my car and gave me a fixed penalty ticket for 6 points and a 200 quid fine. It cost me a further 117 quid to get the car back.
My dad could have collected the car before the recovery truck arrived but they insisted it had to be impounded.
I got pulled again for no insurance in another car a year or so later. This was on a motorway. The copper rang my insurance company and verified that it was in fact covered. Apparently it takes up to five days for your details to appear on the database, and this was a new policy. He let me got but told me that he wasn't an actual traffic cop, and if he had been, my car would have been impounded again. They would not have made the phoncall, the database is enough evidence to impound the car, it's then up to me to prove I have insurance.
The insurance company would not have paid the release fee because they had done their bit correctly. The coppers certainly wouldn't pay it.
As for accidents, I've been involved in three. I had an escort that was due to be scrapped as soon as the MOT ran out. Someone plowed into the passenger side on a carpark and wrecked it. I got 450 quid off their insurance. Result. A taxi driver once ran into the back of me at a crossing when I was drivimg a company car. No harm done, and a woman once did the same when I was driving another Escort. The damage was minimal and the car was a banger anyway so I let her off.
So, fifteen points and a small fortune in fines, paid or unpaid, all for the valiant efforts of our traffic police to keep the streets of Britain safe.
My licence is once again clean. That means I've plenty of space to start all over again, just the way the coppers like it.
As an asside, in fifteen years of driving I've owned sixteen cars. The DVLA hate me, not only for the tax but for the massive admin costs :-)
As another asside, have you noticed how they have changed the name of the DVLA (Driver and Vehicle Licencing Agency) to the VOSA (Vehicle and Operator Services Agency)? It's good to know that taking my money with the threat of force is now a "service" they are offering me.
So where did it all go wrong? Why have the traffic cops and the courts had to keep coming down on me? It's because I'm a terrible driver and a huge threat to society, obviously. For "terrible driver" and "huge threat" read, I choose to ignore all their crappy laws.
I have never caused a traffic accident or harmed another person, or put them at undue risk on the roads through my own actions.
Really?So why all the fines and stuff? I'm going to start with a pretty bad example, but I have to start with it as it's the first one, chronologically.
I was nineteen, I had been driving for about a year and I got caught speeding on the motorway. I can't quote any high minded ideals for this one, it was back before the day I discovered Libertarianism, back in the times when I was just another sheep of the state.
I was doing 101mph. Oops! Maybe that's a little high, but still, it was a clear day and traffic was light and no harm was done. I was summonsed straight to court and given 6 points and a 250 quid fine. Apparently I got off lightly because you are supposed to be banned if you go over 100mph. Fortunately the duty solicitor was a good one, however he wasn't Captain Ranty.
That was closely followed by a sixty quid fine for parking on a double yellow line.
My next biggy was in my clapped out Ford Capri. (Shut up, we all had one). I got three points and a 100 quid fine for "defective parts". The front wing had rusted through at the tip. The copper said it was dangerous if I hit someone because it would drag them under the car?? They probably shouldn't be in the road in the first place but he wasn't interested in that. The second fault was the battery was loose in the tray. He said if I have a crash the battery would jump up out of the tray and spray horrid nasty stuff all over the place. That's assuming the battery somehow made it's way out of the bonnet, and besides modern batteries are sealed quite well. Again, no interest, just a fine.
I later got a rather large fine for having no tax on the Capri, in excess of 100 quid. I taxed the car but ignored the fine. I also got fines (they call it an offer of "out of court settlement") for 28 quid on a Carlton and 97 quid on an Escort for no tax. All ignored, all went away.
I got a letter through the post from Lancashire Police saying I was to be fined sixty quid for doing 36 in a 30 zone in Preston. I wrote back saying someone was test driving the car with a view to buying it. They let me off. These days it probably wouldn't be that easy.
I've been pulled over in excess of twenty times for a random breath test or just a random stop check, none of which have resulted in any problems.One time I saw the cop car turn round after it passed me so I just pulled over, got out and waited. The police were quite shocked and seemed a bit nervous. I think they thought I was going to go Reservoir Dogs on them. I said it was obvious you were going to pull me so I thought I'd save us both some time. Every time I get pulled, I get out and light a fag. They always ask me to put it out and I always say no. Neither do I answer any questions or provide any documents at the roadside.
The crowning glory of my penalty points history was being done for driving with no insurance. You know when you have a comprehensive policy and it allows you to drive other cars? Well I've always had that until one time I forgot to read the small print. This was about three and a half years ago.
I borrowed my dads car because my clapped out Sierra 4x4 had broken down. It was the first time I took his car out and I got caught straight off. I have no idea how they knew. I tried to explain it was a mistake and I was only two minutes away from home but they were having none of it. They impounded my car and gave me a fixed penalty ticket for 6 points and a 200 quid fine. It cost me a further 117 quid to get the car back.
My dad could have collected the car before the recovery truck arrived but they insisted it had to be impounded.
I got pulled again for no insurance in another car a year or so later. This was on a motorway. The copper rang my insurance company and verified that it was in fact covered. Apparently it takes up to five days for your details to appear on the database, and this was a new policy. He let me got but told me that he wasn't an actual traffic cop, and if he had been, my car would have been impounded again. They would not have made the phoncall, the database is enough evidence to impound the car, it's then up to me to prove I have insurance.
The insurance company would not have paid the release fee because they had done their bit correctly. The coppers certainly wouldn't pay it.
As for accidents, I've been involved in three. I had an escort that was due to be scrapped as soon as the MOT ran out. Someone plowed into the passenger side on a carpark and wrecked it. I got 450 quid off their insurance. Result. A taxi driver once ran into the back of me at a crossing when I was drivimg a company car. No harm done, and a woman once did the same when I was driving another Escort. The damage was minimal and the car was a banger anyway so I let her off.
So, fifteen points and a small fortune in fines, paid or unpaid, all for the valiant efforts of our traffic police to keep the streets of Britain safe.
My licence is once again clean. That means I've plenty of space to start all over again, just the way the coppers like it.
As an asside, in fifteen years of driving I've owned sixteen cars. The DVLA hate me, not only for the tax but for the massive admin costs :-)
As another asside, have you noticed how they have changed the name of the DVLA (Driver and Vehicle Licencing Agency) to the VOSA (Vehicle and Operator Services Agency)? It's good to know that taking my money with the threat of force is now a "service" they are offering me.
Spot the cat
We have two, and because of the cold weather, it's becoming increasingly difficult to find them.
Here's one, blogging earlier.
I'm not sure who's blog she's on there. Maybe you recognise it?
Here's one, blogging earlier.
I'm not sure who's blog she's on there. Maybe you recognise it?
Saturday (I don't want to blog about politics) night.
I'm gonna tell you a story instead.
I was reminded of this one earlier today:
I have mentioned quite often in the past that I spent many years working in pubs, in various capacities. The last one I worked in before I left the trade (and I won't mention any names for the sake of anonymity) was more a restaurant that a pub. It's main trade was food, and it was a lot higher quality than standard pub grub. We had a passing trade in chavs wanting burgers and stuff that we didn't do, and they always ended up buying a load of cheap side orders like chips and garlic bread rather than proper meals.
One quiet Monday afternoon we had a couple of fat chav women in with their kids and unusually they did order full meals. I can't remember what the meals were anymore but I do remember one of them came with a side salad.
I was having a quiet fag in the back room with the landlady (good old days), when a young waitress came in looking a bit confused and upset. She said the chavs had complained about their meal because there were no crisps with it. She had explained to them that the meal does not come with crisps. This chav woman, with her best arsy, customer is always right, attitude, had picked up the menu, pointed at it and said,
"Yes it does. It says, "Comes with a crisp salad""
After much rolling about laughing, we gave them a small bowl of nachos to go with it.
That's customer service.
Do you remember when Bulmers cider first came out? It was a huge hit in most pubs and we sold it by the bucket load. One busy Saturday evening, a youngish woman came to the bar and asked me for a pear cider. (This is before the pear version came out. The original Bulmers was apple, pear appeared a lot later).
I says, what is a pear cider. She say it's right there behind you and rolled her eyes a bit. After some tooing and froing I realised she meant the Bulmers, so I says it's not pear cider it's apple.
Well, she didn't half go off on one. "You didn't know it's made from pears? How thick are you? What kind of a barman doesn't know that? etc.
So I calmly says, no I didn't know that. I then picks up a bottle and says lets find out. I read the label on the back,
"Made with seventeen varieties of apple". I see what you mean, I says, and put the bottle in front of her.
She went bright red and melted in front of me. It turns out her fella had sent her to the bar and told her it was made from pears. He was taking the piss. And she called me clueless!
It's often said that the customer is always right. It's rarely true.
It's surprising how little the customer actually does know, and it's always the thickest of the bunch that quote that saying.
A lot of people don't know how to order steak, but they never ask for advice because they don't want to sound stupid. What is stupid is ordering your steak rare and then complaining that there is blood in it and we haven't cooked it properly, or ordering it well done and then complaining that it's tough.
Have you seen the Guinness adverts? "Order it first". You are supposed to order it first because it takes so long to pour. Pour two thirds of the pint at a 45 degree angle. Let it settle. Top it up. You know what? If you just pour the whole thing straight up it is no different. The crazy preparation is just a marketing gimmick.
Never the less, people expect it to be poured as per the advert and they never order it first. They will go through about 10 different drinks before saying, "oh, and a pint of Guinness". Words of advice when going to the bar to buy a round.
Tell the barman your whole order in one go rather than asking for stuff one at a time as each drink is poured. If the barman forgets something he will ask, but chances are he will be able to do two or three drinks at the same time, meaning you get served a lot quicker.
Know what you want when you approach the bar, particularly when it's busy. If you piss your barman off when he is up to his neck in it, you might be waiting a long time to get served next time. If you just ask for a pint of lager, rather than specifying brand, you will just get the pissiest one that has the biggest profit margin.
The best way to get served quicker during really busy periods is to stand there quietly with a note in your hand. Bar staff are supposed to know who came to the bar at what time and who to serve next. This rarely works in practice when it's five deep. If you shout, you will be ignored. If you have a note in your hand, the barman can see you're not about to start fannying around counting out change when it comes time to pay. You can always put the note back in your wallet and get your change out once he has started serving you, if you don't want to break the note. It's too late then
Count your change. When its busy, its very easy to give change for a tenner when you were paid with a twenty, particularly with inexperienced staff. If they do this, complain and all they need to do is look in the till and your twenty will be on top of the tenner slot. If it's not then you didn't give them a twenty. Check what you hand over as well as what you get back. Remember, it's dark and you're pissed. You're more likely to make a mistake than them, and less likely to admit it.
One guy I served at a town centre bar once, said I could keep the change. That happens often, it's usually a few coppers or a couple of quid from the more generous one who might have just bought a big round. This guy had bought two pints and paid with a twenty. I did say, hang on mate are you sure, but he just waived his hand and walked off. We're really not supoosed to serve them when they're that pissed up ;-)
It's great fun working behind a bar as you meet alsorts. Pity the socialist bastards closed them all.
I was reminded of this one earlier today:
I have mentioned quite often in the past that I spent many years working in pubs, in various capacities. The last one I worked in before I left the trade (and I won't mention any names for the sake of anonymity) was more a restaurant that a pub. It's main trade was food, and it was a lot higher quality than standard pub grub. We had a passing trade in chavs wanting burgers and stuff that we didn't do, and they always ended up buying a load of cheap side orders like chips and garlic bread rather than proper meals.
One quiet Monday afternoon we had a couple of fat chav women in with their kids and unusually they did order full meals. I can't remember what the meals were anymore but I do remember one of them came with a side salad.
I was having a quiet fag in the back room with the landlady (good old days), when a young waitress came in looking a bit confused and upset. She said the chavs had complained about their meal because there were no crisps with it. She had explained to them that the meal does not come with crisps. This chav woman, with her best arsy, customer is always right, attitude, had picked up the menu, pointed at it and said,
"Yes it does. It says, "Comes with a crisp salad""
After much rolling about laughing, we gave them a small bowl of nachos to go with it.
That's customer service.
Do you remember when Bulmers cider first came out? It was a huge hit in most pubs and we sold it by the bucket load. One busy Saturday evening, a youngish woman came to the bar and asked me for a pear cider. (This is before the pear version came out. The original Bulmers was apple, pear appeared a lot later).
I says, what is a pear cider. She say it's right there behind you and rolled her eyes a bit. After some tooing and froing I realised she meant the Bulmers, so I says it's not pear cider it's apple.
Well, she didn't half go off on one. "You didn't know it's made from pears? How thick are you? What kind of a barman doesn't know that? etc.
So I calmly says, no I didn't know that. I then picks up a bottle and says lets find out. I read the label on the back,
"Made with seventeen varieties of apple". I see what you mean, I says, and put the bottle in front of her.
She went bright red and melted in front of me. It turns out her fella had sent her to the bar and told her it was made from pears. He was taking the piss. And she called me clueless!
It's often said that the customer is always right. It's rarely true.
It's surprising how little the customer actually does know, and it's always the thickest of the bunch that quote that saying.
A lot of people don't know how to order steak, but they never ask for advice because they don't want to sound stupid. What is stupid is ordering your steak rare and then complaining that there is blood in it and we haven't cooked it properly, or ordering it well done and then complaining that it's tough.
Have you seen the Guinness adverts? "Order it first". You are supposed to order it first because it takes so long to pour. Pour two thirds of the pint at a 45 degree angle. Let it settle. Top it up. You know what? If you just pour the whole thing straight up it is no different. The crazy preparation is just a marketing gimmick.
Never the less, people expect it to be poured as per the advert and they never order it first. They will go through about 10 different drinks before saying, "oh, and a pint of Guinness". Words of advice when going to the bar to buy a round.
Tell the barman your whole order in one go rather than asking for stuff one at a time as each drink is poured. If the barman forgets something he will ask, but chances are he will be able to do two or three drinks at the same time, meaning you get served a lot quicker.
Know what you want when you approach the bar, particularly when it's busy. If you piss your barman off when he is up to his neck in it, you might be waiting a long time to get served next time. If you just ask for a pint of lager, rather than specifying brand, you will just get the pissiest one that has the biggest profit margin.
The best way to get served quicker during really busy periods is to stand there quietly with a note in your hand. Bar staff are supposed to know who came to the bar at what time and who to serve next. This rarely works in practice when it's five deep. If you shout, you will be ignored. If you have a note in your hand, the barman can see you're not about to start fannying around counting out change when it comes time to pay. You can always put the note back in your wallet and get your change out once he has started serving you, if you don't want to break the note. It's too late then
Count your change. When its busy, its very easy to give change for a tenner when you were paid with a twenty, particularly with inexperienced staff. If they do this, complain and all they need to do is look in the till and your twenty will be on top of the tenner slot. If it's not then you didn't give them a twenty. Check what you hand over as well as what you get back. Remember, it's dark and you're pissed. You're more likely to make a mistake than them, and less likely to admit it.
One guy I served at a town centre bar once, said I could keep the change. That happens often, it's usually a few coppers or a couple of quid from the more generous one who might have just bought a big round. This guy had bought two pints and paid with a twenty. I did say, hang on mate are you sure, but he just waived his hand and walked off. We're really not supoosed to serve them when they're that pissed up ;-)
It's great fun working behind a bar as you meet alsorts. Pity the socialist bastards closed them all.
Protesters want to pay more tax
Campaigners protesting against tax avoidance by big business took over Topshop's flagship branch and forced it to close temporarily.
My mistake.
Protesters want other people to pay more tax. Typical!
Once again, the mindset of these people completely escapes me. Why are they protesting against tax avoidance? Tax avoidance is totally legal and morally defensible.
Why would you pay more tax than you have to? Particularly considering what the government waste it on.
I pay tax through the PAYE (stolen before it reaches your wallet) system and I'm on the lowest bracket. Would I ask the government to put me in a higher bracket so I can pay more? Would I bollocks and I know these protesters wouldn't either.
They want the rich to pay more because they are jealous of success and wealth, even though it's the successful and wealthy that supply all the things that they consume in their daily lives. They are incapable of generating wealth or creating success so they want to steal it from others. Or more accurately, have the government do it for them.
Understanding the general thinking of these people, I can assume that they strongly disagree with the following things:
1) The war in Iraq.
2) Foreign aid to countries who have nuclear weapons.
3) The Bank bailout
4) The European superstate
Do they think that all of the above are morally defensible and that people should be forced to pay for them? I'll go out on a limb here and say no.
The fact is that the government wastes most of the tax they take. The EU, wars, excess benefits, expenses, quangos, fake charities, the NHS - the list could go on forever.
If the government stopped wasting so much money, maybe we could all pay less taxes. Why are they not protesting for that?
Friday Night Moose Music
I'll start with a request from my old mukker BB.
Reminds me of clubbing down Northern Lights before it went pants then burned down. Who said insurance job?
They had a greatest hits album?
One of my all time favourites, that one. Happy snowy Friday!
Reminds me of clubbing down Northern Lights before it went pants then burned down. Who said insurance job?
They had a greatest hits album?
One of my all time favourites, that one. Happy snowy Friday!
The man from HMRC, he say.......
You may remember last month I decided to pick a fight with HMRC.
It was all Macheaths fault for pointing out here that some silly benefit scrounging bint had just spent five grand of our money on a new pair of tits.
I popped off a letter to the revenue telling them I wasn't willing to pay for this nonsense any longer, and demanding they change my tax code to a figure which would reduce my income tax to just 19 percent of what I am currently paying. See the post linked above for my reasons.
Well they have just replied, and you know what? They agreed to all my demands.
Just kidding. Here's the reply:
I haven't come up with a suitable response yet. I'll keep you posted.
It was all Macheaths fault for pointing out here that some silly benefit scrounging bint had just spent five grand of our money on a new pair of tits.
I popped off a letter to the revenue telling them I wasn't willing to pay for this nonsense any longer, and demanding they change my tax code to a figure which would reduce my income tax to just 19 percent of what I am currently paying. See the post linked above for my reasons.
Well they have just replied, and you know what? They agreed to all my demands.
Just kidding. Here's the reply:
Dear Mr MooseWell there you have it. A very, very polite, Please fuck off.
Ref: etc
Thank you for your recent letter received at this office on the 14 Oct 2010 and I apologise for the delay in reply.
I have noted the comments in your letter and would advise you that the HMRC remit is to ensure that the correct amount of tax due is collected from all UK taxpayers under current legislation.
Please be advised that under the current legislation the reasons requested for reduction of your tax payable by you are not applicable and no further relief or allowances are available to you at this time.
I have reviewed your tax affairs and the current code number in operation is correct and the tax being deducted is correct and is due and payable.
Your sincerely
Graham Carlin
Assistant officer
I haven't come up with a suitable response yet. I'll keep you posted.
Your pissed up memories to treasure forever.
East Lancs revellers to be shown bad behaviour the morning after
DRUNKEN yobs booked by police during the build up to Christmas will be forced to watch footage of their shocking behaviour after they have sobered up.Note. The Reporter has just referred to the drunken yobs as, well, "Drunken Yobs". Spot the description the police use further down. Can you guess what it will be?
Police Officers across Burnley, Pendle and Rossendale will be using body cameras and hand held video recorders to film the antics of revellers on Friday and Saturday nights.
Great. So because some people get drunk, the police will be out filming everybody. Not only are we all being spied on by CCTV, now the cops will be pointing hand held cameras at us. Chances are I'll be out in town sometimes over Christmas. I've not given up the pubs altogether. I'm tempted to do a bit of filming of my own.
Party goers behaving badly will be shown the shocking reality of their behaviour when they are either released from police custody, or when they are visited by officers the next day.Most of them will probably want a copy of the tape to show their friends.
I've got a revolutionary new policing idea. If someone breaks the law, punish them. If they don't, leave them alone. Or is that just to complicated.
Chief Inspector Jon Bullas, who is leading the operation, said: “We often see an increase in levels of crime and disorder in the weeks leading up to Christmas, particularly in relation to incidents arising from drinking too much.Well duh! I hope you're being well compensated for your talents.
“Showing people the footage of their drunken behaviour the following day should act as a harsh wake up call and make them think twice about drinking too much in the future.You're right it will. Just as much as plain fag packets will stop people smoking or pictures of big fat arses on happy meals will stop people putting on weight.
You know what would really make them think twice? Cells + court = OMG!
“This isn’t about filming people’s every move. It is about recording the actions of the most vulnerable party goers and highlighting the risks they are putting themselves at, by showing them the footage the following day.Did you spot it?
“I urge people to seriously consider how much they are drinking and what risks they may be taking both in terms of their personal safety and health."
Personal safety and health is not the remit of the police, however I think that entire passage was just a very PC way of saying drunks kicking ten bells out of each other.
This might all be a clever rouse to increase the ratings on Cops With Cameras.
Gritwatch! Campaigning doesn't get any crappier!
The "journalists at the Lancashire Evening Telegraph are BORED!
I commented earlier about the moaners and complainers who pop up at this time of year. Now our local rag is trying to stir them up into a frenzy to get a story.
It doesn't seem to have worked though, considering the derision in the comments, some of which have been deleted.
This is still socialist Britain though. There must be someone who will propose a draconian response to this non problem.
Ah. Here he is:
The commenters may have had a few scathing words to say but the moaners don't care. They've hit the GritWatch forum with gusto.
Well I suppose it's better that than going up a bell tower with a rifle and a packed lunch.
We want your help to monitor East Lancashire gritting
TODAY the Lancashire Telegraph launches Grit Watch — a campaign urging YOU to tell us if your roads are being gritted properly.LOL! Some poor sod at the LET has been racking his brains until steam came out, in order to think of a good idea for their next campaign. They like campaigns at the telegraph. They seem to think they should be making the news as well as reporting it.
After previous years of winter chaos the Lancashire Telegraph is aiming to put authorities on the spot, to hold them accountable.Trouble is, the daft pillock who came up with this idea has had his arse handed to him in the comments. Looks like some one should be "held accountable" for bad journalism.
But to do this we need you to be our eyes and ears.
snow white, Blackburn says...
10:24am Wed 1 Dec 10
Great campaign LT! But what exactly are you going to do about any roads not gritted. Are you going to grit them yourself? If the weather gets as bad as last year, there won't be any gritting as no point gritting on snow! Glad the local paper is leading the way - not!
The Dude, says...
7:56am Thu 2 Dec 10
GRIT WATCH= Another complainer's charter. Lancashire Telegraph, please, please get back to some more thought provoking intelligent journalism instead of the garbage you have continually spouted over the previous 12 months.
Dai Darwen, Pontcysyllte says...And mine:
4:46pm Thu 2 Dec 10 LET get off your fat rumps and do your own investigating.
Grit watch what a pathetic indictment of your paper. Supposed to be a newspaper not trying to stir up the proverbial, probably because your website isn't getting enough hits.
BuckoTheMoose, Darwen says...
11:19am Wed 1 Dec 10 Dear LET. I would love to join your crappy campaign but unfortunately I have a life. Maybe you should monitor what people are doing to help themselves this winter.
I commented earlier about the moaners and complainers who pop up at this time of year. Now our local rag is trying to stir them up into a frenzy to get a story.
It doesn't seem to have worked though, considering the derision in the comments, some of which have been deleted.
This is still socialist Britain though. There must be someone who will propose a draconian response to this non problem.
Ah. Here he is:
Ahh. The illusory comfort of cameras on every street corner. And now for gritting! An this muppet seems to think it would only cost two hundred quid. Bellend. Surely he means two hundred million.
ghanto, blackburn says...
10:21am Wed 1 Dec 10
it would be better if cameras are installed to track gritting properly
it would cost £200 but would last 5 years and over and it would ease complaints
The commenters may have had a few scathing words to say but the moaners don't care. They've hit the GritWatch forum with gusto.
Well I suppose it's better that than going up a bell tower with a rifle and a packed lunch.
World Cupski
Thank F--- for that!
I feared we were in for another huge round of pissing taxpayers money up the wall.
I might raise a glass to that this evening.
I feared we were in for another huge round of pissing taxpayers money up the wall.
I might raise a glass to that this evening.
Snow joke is it?
So Britain has once again seen a couple of inches of snow. Everything is grinding to a halt and the terminal complainers are out in force.
What do you think of this oft regurgitated soundbite: "Don't drive unless your journey is necessary".
Who defines necessary? Why are the roads still packed out between 8 and 9 in the morning? Because people are going to work, and for anyone with stuff to pay for, going to work is necessary.
Take the day off? Who's going to pay for it?
Walk? Yeah, walkings fine if you live close to where you work. Otherwise, it's the car. It's not that hard, just take it a bit easier than normal. Put some kit in your boot for if you get stuck.
If you do choose to walk, there's another soundbite for that. "Putting lives at risk". This one comes from the people who are constantly complaining that the council aren't doing enough to grit the roads. When the council do grit the roads, people complain that they're not gritting the pavements
Gritting all roads and pavements would be a mammoth task and hugely expensive to boot. Not doing so is in no way "putting lives at risk". Again, if you go out walking, take a little more care.
It's about time that the public learned that the local councils are not all seeing, all powerful overlords who can control the weather. Snow can be inconvenient at best, dangerous at worst. Get over it, take care and if you really want the pavement cleared outside you house, pop out and do it yourself.
But won't someone think of the elderly? Yes, please do think of the elderly. If there are old people in your family who need assistance, go help them. Same if there are old codgers on your street who don't have family.
What is the old saying? Something like this, "If a Fabian sees a homeless person he asks, "What should the government be doing to help?". If a libertarian sees the same homeless person he asks, "What can I do?".
Be the libertarian. The council cannot magic away the bad weather (They can magic away your cash, just not snow).
But won't someone think of the children? Why? The children are loving it. Schools close at the drop of a few flakes. Let the children out. Let them go play in the snow. Let them build snowmen and have snowball fights. Yeah they might graze a knee or bruise an elbow. So what? They'll heal and they will be better for the experience.
Winter comes around every year. Get used to it. Prepare for it. It can be great fun for all. It certainly doesn't have to be a huge cacophony of screeching from the perpetually "entitled".
Have fun.
What do you think of this oft regurgitated soundbite: "Don't drive unless your journey is necessary".
Who defines necessary? Why are the roads still packed out between 8 and 9 in the morning? Because people are going to work, and for anyone with stuff to pay for, going to work is necessary.
Take the day off? Who's going to pay for it?
Walk? Yeah, walkings fine if you live close to where you work. Otherwise, it's the car. It's not that hard, just take it a bit easier than normal. Put some kit in your boot for if you get stuck.
If you do choose to walk, there's another soundbite for that. "Putting lives at risk". This one comes from the people who are constantly complaining that the council aren't doing enough to grit the roads. When the council do grit the roads, people complain that they're not gritting the pavements
Gritting all roads and pavements would be a mammoth task and hugely expensive to boot. Not doing so is in no way "putting lives at risk". Again, if you go out walking, take a little more care.
It's about time that the public learned that the local councils are not all seeing, all powerful overlords who can control the weather. Snow can be inconvenient at best, dangerous at worst. Get over it, take care and if you really want the pavement cleared outside you house, pop out and do it yourself.
But won't someone think of the elderly? Yes, please do think of the elderly. If there are old people in your family who need assistance, go help them. Same if there are old codgers on your street who don't have family.
What is the old saying? Something like this, "If a Fabian sees a homeless person he asks, "What should the government be doing to help?". If a libertarian sees the same homeless person he asks, "What can I do?".
Be the libertarian. The council cannot magic away the bad weather (They can magic away your cash, just not snow).
But won't someone think of the children? Why? The children are loving it. Schools close at the drop of a few flakes. Let the children out. Let them go play in the snow. Let them build snowmen and have snowball fights. Yeah they might graze a knee or bruise an elbow. So what? They'll heal and they will be better for the experience.
Winter comes around every year. Get used to it. Prepare for it. It can be great fun for all. It certainly doesn't have to be a huge cacophony of screeching from the perpetually "entitled".
Have fun.
Ranting no more
Captain Ranty is blogging off.
It's a sad day for the blogosphere when one of the good ones buggers off. I have a personal affinity for the good Captain as he was my first follower when I started this blog.
He will be missed.
Apparently the mammoth task of waking the sheep has taken it's toll. I can understand that. The sad fact is that most of the sheep simply don't want to wake up. They are happy with their illusory comfort provided by the state. All they require is that we join them in obscurity.
You see, we scare them. They can see that freedom offers much better things in life. The trouble is, freedom also comes with hardship. You have to work to be free. You have to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It's hard work but the rewards are great.
The sheep don't like hard work. They want everything done for them. They want their lives on a plate. When they see people like us striving to be free, they think they may be forced to do the same. They hate that thought and do all they can to bring us down to their level. They can feel better about having achieved absolutely nothing, as long as everyone else around them can achieve nothing also.
I've followed the Captains teachings but I am one of those he complains about. I have never sent my affidavit to the Queen or the PM. Neither am I a sheep though. I believe it may be better, not to try and wake the sheep, but to prevent them bringing me down to their level. I could spend years in a never ending, fruitless task of trying to convince the masses of something they simply don't want to hear while my own life slips by unnoticed.
Have you ever tried to convince a religious person that God does not exist? You will never manage it. It doesn't matter how good your argument is, they have something they call faith. Faith allows them to look the obvious in the eye and dismiss it out of hand, knowing all the while that what they believe is the only truth.
The sheep have this faith also. Their faith is in the state, not God, but it is just as strong.
I know I can't wake the sheep so I won't try. I'll talk, debate and offer information. Occasionally one of them opens an eye or two.
My life is short. I want to do my best to make sure the sheep cannot affect me, or even better, to make it so the sheep don't even notice me. Freedom by obscurity. Of course I can say what I want on my blog but nobody knows who I actually am. If you met me on the street, down the pub or at work, I would just be another sheep to you. You wouldn't even notice me.
I admire the Captains dedication to the cause and understand his frustration. However, the only real answer I can see to the problems he is trying to solve is another few hundred years of human evolution.
The blog is staying up so if you haven't visited before, go and check it out. It really is valuable and eye opening.
Captain Ranty. Have a nice life. You will be missed.
*Update* He's not going after all. Everone's changed his mind. Yay!
It's a sad day for the blogosphere when one of the good ones buggers off. I have a personal affinity for the good Captain as he was my first follower when I started this blog.
He will be missed.
Apparently the mammoth task of waking the sheep has taken it's toll. I can understand that. The sad fact is that most of the sheep simply don't want to wake up. They are happy with their illusory comfort provided by the state. All they require is that we join them in obscurity.
You see, we scare them. They can see that freedom offers much better things in life. The trouble is, freedom also comes with hardship. You have to work to be free. You have to take responsibility for yourself and your actions. It's hard work but the rewards are great.
The sheep don't like hard work. They want everything done for them. They want their lives on a plate. When they see people like us striving to be free, they think they may be forced to do the same. They hate that thought and do all they can to bring us down to their level. They can feel better about having achieved absolutely nothing, as long as everyone else around them can achieve nothing also.
I've followed the Captains teachings but I am one of those he complains about. I have never sent my affidavit to the Queen or the PM. Neither am I a sheep though. I believe it may be better, not to try and wake the sheep, but to prevent them bringing me down to their level. I could spend years in a never ending, fruitless task of trying to convince the masses of something they simply don't want to hear while my own life slips by unnoticed.
Have you ever tried to convince a religious person that God does not exist? You will never manage it. It doesn't matter how good your argument is, they have something they call faith. Faith allows them to look the obvious in the eye and dismiss it out of hand, knowing all the while that what they believe is the only truth.
The sheep have this faith also. Their faith is in the state, not God, but it is just as strong.
I know I can't wake the sheep so I won't try. I'll talk, debate and offer information. Occasionally one of them opens an eye or two.
My life is short. I want to do my best to make sure the sheep cannot affect me, or even better, to make it so the sheep don't even notice me. Freedom by obscurity. Of course I can say what I want on my blog but nobody knows who I actually am. If you met me on the street, down the pub or at work, I would just be another sheep to you. You wouldn't even notice me.
I admire the Captains dedication to the cause and understand his frustration. However, the only real answer I can see to the problems he is trying to solve is another few hundred years of human evolution.
The blog is staying up so if you haven't visited before, go and check it out. It really is valuable and eye opening.
Captain Ranty. Have a nice life. You will be missed.
*Update* He's not going after all. Everone's changed his mind. Yay!
The law is an ass
New Labour created over 3,000 laws during their thirteen year reign.
That's on top of the many thousands of laws that made up Britain's, explosion in a spaghetti factory of a legal system.
In fact, there are so many laws that if you tried to read them all, at your fastest possible reading speed, you wouldn't complete the task in your lifetime.
And I ignore each and every one of them. The whole lot. Not interested, don't need them.
You see, I have a law of my own, that I live by every day:
As long as I don't forget my one law, I have no need of any others.
That's on top of the many thousands of laws that made up Britain's, explosion in a spaghetti factory of a legal system.
In fact, there are so many laws that if you tried to read them all, at your fastest possible reading speed, you wouldn't complete the task in your lifetime.
And I ignore each and every one of them. The whole lot. Not interested, don't need them.
You see, I have a law of my own, that I live by every day:
It covers every possible contingency.
"Don't interfere with other people's lives by your own action or lack of action"
As long as I don't forget my one law, I have no need of any others.
Margo Grimshaw
Margo Grimshaw is a long standing public figure in Blackburn. She owned pubs and nightclubs in the town that I used to frequent. She has made money and lost money on various business ventures in the area. Now she is a columnist for the Lancashire Evening Telegraph.
I read the Telegraph because it is our local paper, however I'm not a big fan. It's very unashamedly left wing and forever publishing stories about how terrible the cuts are.
Strangely enough for a columnist in the LET, Margo seems to be somewhat of a Libertarian. I suppose being successful in business and paying your own way in life while creating the same opportunities for others, comes from a system of values based on freedom rather than state intervention.
I've been increasingly impressed with Margos articles, particularly one about students paying the rent and another on common sense.
Her latest one is about certain, high profile gaffes, that have been made recently by politicians. It's entitled,
I read the Telegraph because it is our local paper, however I'm not a big fan. It's very unashamedly left wing and forever publishing stories about how terrible the cuts are.
Strangely enough for a columnist in the LET, Margo seems to be somewhat of a Libertarian. I suppose being successful in business and paying your own way in life while creating the same opportunities for others, comes from a system of values based on freedom rather than state intervention.
I've been increasingly impressed with Margos articles, particularly one about students paying the rent and another on common sense.
Her latest one is about certain, high profile gaffes, that have been made recently by politicians. It's entitled,
Free speech? It can be a bit of a fallacy
and I shamelessly reproduce it, in full, here:FREE speech, it’s a bit of a fallacy!
We all desperately want to talk about things that concern us, such as religion, housing, benefits, immigration, the economy, the war in Afghanistan, because there are things about all those subjects that worry us and which we aren’t entirely happy about.
But, can we discuss them openly without fear of someone saying ‘hey, you’re stepping out of line if you don’t agree with the politically given’?
We can’t, because we are told not to speak about benefit scroungers, because then you’re stepping on the downtrodden toes of the poor; if you discuss religion, you’re an unbelieving atheist and you must, on no account, bring up the subject of immigration, for whatever it is you have to say will be misconstrued as racist.
Rational debate on what is, or is not, good for us and the country is not allowed, so we must accept whatever the government decides is right and just keep our opinions to ourselves!
But, it seems, we are not the only ones.
For even those in high office have been in trouble this week for speaking their minds — which for a politician is a nice change and, as you are well aware, a very rare occurrence.
So, the belief we have free speech has been shown not to exist — and been blatantly demonstrated by the fact that Lord Young and Howard Flight have been reprimanded and demoted for saying out loud what they believed.
And now there’s talk of a ‘happiness’ survey to assess how happy we are and how it affects our daily lives.
Funny thing to measure, happiness. To me it can often be retrospective, for many times we only realise that we’ve been happy after the event.
Happiness can be fleeting, fragile and destroyed in a moment, by bad news or a sad event, so I think contentment might be a better aim, which is a little more permanent and probably easier to maintain.
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