Self Inflated Cock

Report just in from the Outrage Bus:

Poundland Blackburn sells inflatable willies and plastic breasts
A BLACKBURN dad of three has spoken out against discount retail store Poundland over the selling of inflatable willies and plastic breasts as part of its hen party range.
I can't stand hen parties. They're loud and they're crude and the fat ugly birds who I'm quite frankly amazed managed to get someone to marry them, seem to be totally intent on spoiling a good night out for everyone else they come in contact with. Drinking pints, downing shots and SCREAMING at the top of their lungs every few seconds. I would think their parents would be disappointed at such a display, yet the mums are usually along for the ride and determined to prove they can make just as much of a dick of themselves as the younger generation

But just because it's not my bag, you won't find me supporting the local attention seeker in the papers telling us all how outraged he is that a high street store has novelty blow up willies for sale
Luke Carter was left flabbergasted when he came face to face with a range of 'inappropriate' accessories following a visit to the store in The Mall in Blackburn.
Flabbergasted. I know the media like an emotive word here and there to set the scene of the indignant being indignified, but flabbergasted is not a word you hear often

Mr Carter, from Blackburn, said: "I went to the new Poundland in Blackburn and they’ve got penises on headbands, inflatable willies and plastic breasts on display.
Penises on headbands? Let's face it, you'd have to be a bit of a dickhead to wear one of those

So I suppose Poundland will now be tripping over themselves to withdraw their cocks (ahem...) and issue a grovelling apology?
He complained to Poundland but bosses say the range is 'tongue-in-cheek' and won't be pulled from shelves. A spokesman for the chain added that it was 'sadly too easy to offend people these days'. .
Well get that. A business actually standing up to an inadequate snowflake demanding they do as they're told. that's a welcome sight. But who will think of the children?
"Imagine if a child picked up a headband with willies all over it and put it on their head

Actual LOL!

Poundland communications adviser Nick Agarwal said: “We know some of the items in our stag and hen party range won’t be to everyone’s taste, however, they sell extremely well and the majority of customers appreciate the tongue-in-cheek humour.

“Sadly it’s hard not offend someone these days, but we appreciate the feedback.”

Unfortunately far too many people in the comments agree with him. (Well, those that can string two coherent words together without going off on a tangent about peados)

This is the way the world ends...

When I turned thirty, I used to tell people I was twenty nine. When I got caught out by people who knew me, I just told them I had changed my age by Deed Poll. I managed to get away with being twenty nine for quite a few years

Of course back then, it was a joke, not a mental illness
Man, 69, who identifies as 20 years younger begins legal battle to change age
The Liberal Left decided it would be a good idea to allow some folk to self identify as a different gender. That wasn't a joke. That was quite serious and anyone who spoke out about it was liable to be shouted down by a very angry Twitter mob. As the madness increased, it became more and more likely that a Twitter mob would be the least of your concerns if you stated publicly that there are only two genders; arrest and possible conviction for a hate crime became a risk

Eventually we were allowing men into women only areas, including bathrooms and prisons

Now the metal illness around gender identity has morphed into self identifying not only as a different gender, but a different race. If you want to be black, be black. If you want to be an American Indian, be one. If you are a white man who wants to identify as a black man so you can claim a chunk of taxpayers money that was supposed to go to black folk, fill yer boots

And today we take a step even further into the loony bin
A 69-year-old pensioner who says he has the body of a 45-year-old is taking action to legally change his age to improve his job prospects and luck with women on Tinder.
I want to say 'unbelievable', but it's not. This is actually the road we are on
He argues if transgender people are legally allowed to change their sex then he should be allowed to change his age. Mr Ratelband told De Telegraaf: "You can change your name. You can change your gender. Why not your age? Nowhere are you so discriminated against as with your age."
He has a point. Once we opened the door and let the crazy in, there was never any reason why we shouldn't go full crazy
The case has gone to a court in Arnhmen, Gelderland, where it is expected to give a ruling within four weeks.
It should have been instantly thrown out, along with all the other self-identifying bollocks

We are in this position because nobody is willing to say no to the snowflakes who demand all this crap. And I've no idea why

If they're not trying to eradicate masculinity from society, they're trying to eradicate humour. All jokes are offensive and if you tell one, you must resign from your job. Worse, if you make your humour a little more dark and burn a cardboard box, you must be arrested and your house searched, so the Stazi can find something to charge you with

Even product names that have been around for donkeys years are now offensive to the snowflake generation. Why would a large company like Kimberly Klark, change the name of their Mansize tissues because some bellend on Twitter got upset about it? Why do all manner of companies, small and large, capitulate to these idiots with regular monotony?
Nintendo to remove Native American references in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate
Why? Because a snowflake got offended on Twitter
One of the character's moves references Fire Attack, a 1982 cowboy game where you defended a wooden fort from screaming Native Americans who wielded burning torches and wore feathers in their hair.
So what? Didn't cowboys and Indians used to have a bit of a feud going on? Why is a company the size of Nintendo incapable of telling a few millennials to fuck off?
a Nintendo spokesperson told Eurogamer today. "The original game on which this depiction of the character is based was released more than three decades ago and does not represent our company values today.
Apart from the capitulation, there are two other things wrong with that statement. The first being the admission that Nintendo do find this to be racist. The second being the reasoning that it no longer fits with the company values.

So three decades ago, Nintendo was happily racist, but are so no longer? That's what it says. They would have been better saying that it wasn't racist then, it isn't racist now, Nintendo are not racist and go fuck yourself
Nintendo previously edited Fire Attack when it was re-released on Game Boy as part of compilation title Game and Watch Gallery 4. Then, the feather was removed from the Native American characters' hair - something Nintendo will now also do with Super Smash Bros. Ultimate.
The feather. It's not even the character itself, it's a feather

Offensive feather

I was never into the Mario franchise, so correct me if I'm wrong, but wasn't the whole thing based on an overly stereotypical depiction of Italians?

It's only offensive if you offend the left. They don't like it up 'em

It seems all might not be lost though. It's possible help is on the way
NASA asteroid WARNING: Three giant asteroids to pass Earth THIS SATURDAY
They will 'pass' a few hundred thousand kilometres from the Earth, which in galactic distances, is close enough to reach out and touch

You never know, we might get lucky. On Saturday we have three chances to put a stop to the lunacy that is the human race and give the lizards another chance

I for one, welcome our new lizard overlords

Trans-Action Void

New Trump policy on transgender children will be 'punch to the gut', says mum of trans child
As an Alpha Male, I'll admit to being a little bemused by all the Transgender fuss we are subject to these days. Sure, everyone should be treated equally under the law, but it seems that modern identity groups do not want equality, but special treatment, a state of affairs that I cannot abide

Transgender people are screaming from the rooftops for their rights, but all I see from my side of the fence is a campaign for men to be allowed into women's places where they don't belong, particularly bathrooms and even worse, prisons

And how did all of this evolve from gay rights, a battle that was won a long time ago? A man who fancies a man is now quite able get himself a man without fear of discrimination, or as it used to be in the 'dark times', arrest and prison. But now a man who fancies a man isn't a man at all, he's a woman. Or a woman who fancies a man can also be a man; a man who fancies a man but is really a woman. Or they can all be neither. They can be a man / woman who fancies a man / woman but isn't a man or woman. And there's about twenty-odd different variations on the theme

And the strangest thing of all, it's not called mental illness, it's called 'Gender'. And you can pick your own

And the establishment actively encourages all this. There's a plethora of new mental illnesses about these days. Anything upwards of simply feeling a bit down is a mental illness that requires state intervention, yet if you want to take your penis into a women's bathroom because you identify as a man who has the right to have periods and babies, even if it's biologically impossible, your state of mind is applauded and encouraged

Anyway, I'm waffling a bit. It seems the Trump administration has decided it might be a good idea if peoples gender is defined by the gender they were born with rather than some made up gender that defines you as a bit Loony Tunes
Parents are concerned federal civil rights of their transgender children could be at risk should the Trump administration push through a new policy which will change the way they are treated
If you were born a bloke, you have to say you are a bloke in order to do some stuff. I can see no way that this will infringe any ones federal civil rights. At most, it will firm up the federal civil rights of non 'trans' people who are currently being moved aside to accommodate this particular identity group
After Jamie Harper's son began middle school in Loudoun County, Virginia, the teenager has only been known as a boy. His friends don't know that he was actually born a girl and his family has had to fight to keep it that way.
The mother of a transgender teenager in New Hampshire said her daughter had already endured too much to suffer such a setback.
"I am overwhelmingly concerned that if somehow all of this goes away, and Skylar is forced to have male documents, and lose her legal identity as female, my child will die," said Jennifer Elizabeth,
Cori Lathan's 12-year-old daughter already suffers from anxiety attacks. Earlier this week, Ms Lathan went to pick her up early from her public middle school in Silver Spring, Maryland, because she was stricken again.
Amy Bonnett, a 51-year-old mother of a 16-year-old transgender boy in Scottsdale, Arizona, worried that changes in the federal protections could prevent her son from getting medical care or insurance, or could embolden a future employer to decide not to hire him
The unknowns around the Trump administration proposal have left parents like Sarah Watson, a Bethesda, Maryland mother of a non-binary teenager, wondering what might come next.
This makes me wonder if all these children were actually born in the wrong bodies, or were they simply born with Liberal parents?

Look how liberal I am. My child is special
I'd bet my boots that the parents are largely responsible for the state of mind of these children. If so, it's got to be some form of child abuse to have brought up a 12 to 16 year old who is so totally defined by their sexual orientation, to the point where declaring their birth gender on documents results in mass hysteria

The Western World is the most tolerant it has ever been in history; it's people have more rights than they have every enjoyed and have more protections against discrimination that ever, but the more these identity groups get, the more they push for. We've gone way beyond equality now and are well into the realms of taking the piss

If Trumps Government does decide to rein in this nonsense a little, it can only be a good thing.

Opening the Door to Lunacy

It's illegal to smoke in your own car if there is a child present. You can get a fifty quid fine for it if you're caught. That's why I never allow children in my car

As we were all told, the concentrations of cigarette smoke inside a car are much higher than in buildings or outside and the high concentrations can affect kids lungs because they are smaller and yadda yadda ect

So put the windows down? Doesn't matter
According to the Government website, anyone that smokes in a car with a fully or partially enclosed roof while they have a child on board can be fined - even if the windows or sunroof are open, or the air conditioning is on.
Even though the smoke will blow right out of the window, it doesn't matter. You see, this is not about protecting children, it's about punishing smokers. But we all knew that

So just open the door, right?
But a smoker can also be penalised if they are sitting in the open doorway of their vehicle" while it's parked.
Even if you are leaning outside of the motor, because you are sitting on the car's seat you are classified as being in the car.
Your cigarette smoke could still travel back inside the vehicle and affect young passengers.

And that's magic!

So it's not about higher concentrations of smoke affecting the little ones, it's also about tiny wisps of smoke that might travel back inside the car

I suppose we'd better ban smoking anywhere a child might be then, including all of the outdoors. If second hand smoke is more deadly than Sarin Gas, we need to think of the children

The tidiest ransacking ever. Ever!

I'm hideously late to this one, as I started the draft and then plum forgot about it. Better late than never, I suppose...

Shocking video has emerged of mask-wearing pro-Trump thugs ransacking a socialist bookshop in London, wearing ‘Make Britain Great Again’ hats.
Imagine a ransacking. What comes to mind? Something like this?

Click to biggen

 Or maybe this?

Also biggenable

Well that's not what happened in the Socialist Bookshop. Watch the video to see what an idiot left wing journalist thinks is a ransacking

The actions of these people might be questionable, but they were also inevitable. Left wing groups have been attacking anyone who disagrees with them, shouting them down on social media and in public, closing businesses, demanding resignations and applying outright violence

It was only a matter of time until people not on the Left responded in kind

And this isn't even in kind. Compared to how Left wing protestors behave, this was like tea and crumpets on the lawn

Of course when the Left do it, the Left wing media ignore it, but when the Right do it, it gets described in newspapers using extremely inflammatory and over exagurated language like this:

Shocking video
noisey mob
bursting into
Far Right
Pro Trump

One shirtless man [...] is shown in the video gleefully chanting "Fuck Communism"
That's a sentiment I can get right behind,
The Left are constantly chanting "Fuck Fascism", but they are never pulled up for it as though it's wrong, even though the Left barely understand what Fascism actually is. Why then do we villify someone for chanting "Fuck Communism", a philosophy just as evil as Fascism?

The men refused to leave the shop despite staff asking them repeatedly to do so
Maybe they picked up their manners from the Left? Would a Left wing protest leave private property if asked to do so? Would it F....

Fortunately no one was hurt
Of course not. Because barely anything happened

Hate Crimes I have Committed

Some Police 'Force' in Yorkshire has just got themselves in a lot of Twitter trouble over this tweet:

Police Forces are often getting themselves in Twitter trouble over some PC divvel or another that they come out with, it isn't uncommon these days
What is uncommon is for a Police Force to ask people to report others for non-crimes, so they can be treated as actual crimes anyway
Because apparently, 'Hate will not be tolerated in South Yorkshire'

Well I'm glad I don't live in South Yorkshire, because even though I don't hate anyone and I don't go gay bashing on the internet or some such, I'm pretty sure I would still fall foul of the new South Yorkshire definition of hate and still end up with my collar being felt

I did a little experiment to find out. Let's take a look at their statement:

Hate crime is an incident or crime which is perceived to be motivated by prejudice or hostility against a persons' race, faith, disability, sexual orientation, gender identity
Hate crime is an incident or crime...
So the law no longer defines what a crime is. Crimes are defined by the Offence Industry and their enablers. A non criminal incident is now a crime

...which is perceived to be...
It doesn't matter what was the actual meaning or your words / text, it only matters how other people perceive them. There will always be some offendatron mong out there, willing to be outraged by your viewpoint, so literally any speech could be treated as a crime under these definitions.

Of course it won't be the case that all 'incidents' are treated with equal zeal, it will only be the ones that offend some snowflake on the left. White males need not apply

...motivated by prejudice or hostility...

Well I can safely say I am not prejudiced against anyone at all. In fact, I can scratch that all together

I am sometimes hostile though. And there's nothing wrong with that in my opinion. Hostility is not really all that strong an emotion. It's not a hate emotion or a violence emotion, it's more an annoyance emotion; the kind of emotion you may feel towards someone you think is a complete muppet, but just won;'t go away and leave you alone

It's a crime though apparently and as I sometimes feel it, it has to stay

...against a persons...

being a person who judges others on their own merit, I should be able to cross all these off
I'm not racist, despite what the Left thinks of my opinion
I don't judge people for their disabilities
If you want to be gay, be gay
Really, I'm not the judgy type. If you're a nice person, I'll probably like you

What do we have left?

Oops. Still a couple on there

Yes, I'm afraid so. I did say I only judge people on their merits and I stand by that. The trouble is, if you believe in an all powerful sky fairy who tells you to do horrible things to your fellow human beings who don't believe in such nonsense, I'm not going to believe you have many merits

I can feel hostile towards people whose existence is defined by the pixie in the sky

Gender Identity?
That used to come under sexual orientation, which I've crossed off. Now there are twenty odd different genders and we are supposed to teach primary school children about them so they can pick one at five years old, even if it means cutting off their cocks when their balls have not long dropped

Oops, that sounded a little hostile, didn't it

Your sexual preferences are no business of mine and nor do I want them to be, but if you tell me you are a gender fluid omnisexual and I must use your preferred pronouns, I'll probably feel a degree of hostility

So dear reader, I really am a nice guy, so if I were to say something like, "Islam is a hideous religion that should be consigned to the dark ages", or, "There are only two genders", please don't dob me in to South Yorkshire police

I don't think I could handle prison