Saturday free and easy night

I was cleaning a fryer while listening to The Hucklebuck, when I came up with an invention.

(I never thought I would begin a blog post with that)

All my ideas seem to come to me when I'm doing something mind numbingly boring like cleaning a fryer. Here's The Hucklebuck, why not clean a fryer and give it a try?



Or not.

Anyway. Back to my invention. It occurred to me that jobsworths like to look in peoples bins to see if the wrong item has been put in there. They like to catch you out and give you a fine.

I came up with a design in my head for a wheelie bin lock. It needs a key to open when the bin is upright but opens automatically when the bin is turned upside down. Jobsworths can't get in, but the bin still opens when it's turned over by the bin lorry.

I know what you're about to say. It's been done. The first thing I did was check that, and here it is.

It's a lot simpler design that mine too, although it's supposed to deter arsonists rather than jobsworths. Oh well.
The reason I first checked to see if it has been done is because I have a history of inventing stuff that already exists.

Back in the early days of working in pubs I came up with a solution to the age old problem of cleaning the lines.

I was doing the lines one morning when I dropped a bucket of used line cleaner that went all over me. Even Mrs Bucko hasn't seen me get undressed that quick. Unfortunately, one of the tastiest barmaids ever, did see it. And she saw me stood there in my undercrackers frantically scrubbing myself clean.


It was good of her to feign concern rather than splitting her sides laughing. Good lass.

A couple of years later, after I had moved into relief management, I came up with a solution. (At the time I was watching Hostel with the Mrs. That film was about as entertaining as cleaning a fryer).

I designed a full, self contained system for cleaning the lines without using buckets. My mate is an engineer and I needed a special screw tap to make a prototype. I popped back home one Tuesday on my day off and met up with him for a beer. I explained the system and how it works, and he agreed to make the tap at work. We then went to the local Weatherspoons.

There was a barman cleaning the lines and you can guess what comes next. He was using my system, or one very similar.

I said, "What are you DOING!?"

He gave me a shocked look and said, "I'm cleaning the lines". He didn't say Duh!

"With THAT!?" I said.

"Yeah? You never seen this before?"

"I have. I've just invented it. How long have you had that?"

"About nine years".

"Beer me!"

My pal was rolling all over the floor pissing his sides laughing. It was about half an hour before I could get an intelligible comment out of him. Big fail.

I'm destined to work for a living for some time yet. I don't think I was meant to be rich.



I didn't do a Friday nigh Moose music post last night for that same reason. Working 9-5 and it was a very bad day. Mrs Bucko's wasn't any better either, and she suggested the pub straight after work. Apologies to my regular listener but beer was more important than music last night.

We don't go to the pub very much anymore. If we go out, we normally just go to the local Catholic club for cheep beer and pool. Last night we decided to go around Darwen just because we hadn't done it for so long.

Now we know why. The place has gone to shit.

We used to go in a pub called the White Lion very often. We knew all the staff and punters and it was a good night. It shut down after the smoking ban, then reopened a few times. It's currently open and you can see it from the Catholic club pool room. The place was swarming with coppers.

Later on when we left the Catholic club (and all the coppers had gone) we popped up for a pint to see what it was like now. We didn't even get inside. There was a chav couple with a young child having a pissed up argument in the doorway.

We went to the Millstone instead. We've both worked there in the past and it's always been a good night. Last night it was full of the dregs and looked like it had gone to the dogs. The toilets were like one big cat litter tray that hadn't been scooped in months and the bar wasn't much better.

Mrs Buckos mate opened a bar in Darwen a few years ago. It was a jazz bar with live music, so we popped off up there for a taste. It's now a standard pub with all kinds of live football. There was a fourteenth birthday party in the upstairs bar. That's right, a fourteenth birthday party. Not at someones house, not at McDonalds but in a pub.

I don't like football but I hate kids even more. At least there was beer. They still do a good hand pulled pint in there.

To top the evening off we went to the kebab shop and they gave me the wrong order.

Tonight we're going to my mums. It was my birthday on Tuesday and she's doing us a meal. We're obliged to attend. Must remember beer. (Just kidding Mum. Warm up the Wii)

I'll leave you with this.