The horrors of Universal Credit

We've all heard about the horrors of the Universal Credit system and how it is forcing the 'most vulnerable in society' into abject poverty. We've heard about the thousands, if not millions of unfortunate people who have been made homeless due to this heartless system. We've even *doffs cap* heard about the countless people who have starved to death in the streets because of this pure evil system. And the body count continues to rise...

Examples of how Universal Credit is destroying lives, appear in the press on a daily basis. Take this unfortunate girl for example:

Single mother's struggle to make ends meet while on Universal Credit

Before you read on, I feel it necessary to warn you that this tale of a poor young girl and her small baby, being forced into utter destitution by the evil Tories, through no fault of her own, may well destroy your faith in humanity and persuade you to go and live a life of quiet humility in a back woods Italian monastery. You have been warned...

A MOTHER has been unable to heat her home for more than a week after struggling to live on her Universal Credit payments

The horror! Can you believe it? A week in May without heating. But it gets worse...

Savannah Burke said she has barely enough money to buy food for her and her 12-week-old son, Leo, after she had to put her forensic science and criminal investigation degree on hold to care for him

*Sheds a silent tear*
You see, she is trying her best. She's going to university and studying for a degree so she can get a job and begin contributing to society. I understand that her chosen career path is a difficult one; that there are many more people with degrees than there are jobs available in this field (One job to 500 degrees, I've heard) and that the odds of her getting a job in the forensic sciences are astronomical, but I'm confident she will be the one. You see, she knows what she's doing as she's watched every episode of CSI. She done her homework

The 21-year-old, who recently moved to Accrington from Blackburn, said she currently gets around £700 in payments

Not barely enough. Who could possibly survive on that? It doesn't even cover the essentials, such as:

Her monthly costs include £400 rent, £70 council tax

A roof over your head is necessary, is it not? She can't go and live with her parents as there's just not enough room. The childs' father cannot contribute anything towards the rent as he's a deadbeat. Expecting him to cough up would be against his human rights as a waster

£29 home insurance

That might seem excessive for a £400pcm gaff in Accrington, but she might have a lot of stuff to insure, you know, family heirlooms and stuff. Accy is not a place to live if you're going to skimp on contents insurance

£60 for gas and electric on a meter

It's been very cold this May

£270 for a car through finance, £33 car insurance

The car is of course, absolutely essential for a student. It's imperative that you make it to your lectures on time, so you can't skimp by buying a cheap second hand car, or God forbid, using public transport. £270 per month for a brand new car is totally justifiable in this day and age of entitlement and instant gratification

television and internet costs coming to £70

Let's face it, Freeview just doesn't cut it. A constant diet of Sky TV is essential for anyone claiming benefits, not just students and single mothers, but chavs, alcoholics and deadbeats too. In fact, correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm sure there's an EU human rights clause about Sky TV, right next to clean drinking water and a trial by Jury

Ms Burke, who is in her third year at the University of Central Lancashire, said she has tried to get help from the Department for Work and Pensions, Lancashire County Council’s crisis support scheme and Citizens Advice but has not been able to get any extra support.

Disgraceful. That baby will be twice as big in a few months, so she's going to need a bigger house and one of those huge prams that resembles a slightly smaller Toyota Land Cruiser

She said: “I have been thinking about having to get a full time job but I don’t know how I’m going to do that, care for my baby and carry on with my dissertation as I need to carry on with that while I’m off.

She's going about it the right way. It's standard practise to think about the practicalities of life after you've thrown it down the toilet

“I have had several jobs and did work through college so it’s not like I have never worked and am abusing the system. I am worrying so much.”

She's right. This girl is certainly no scrounger. She once had a Saturday job on the veg market, so by God, she's paid her dues

A Department for Work and Pensions spokesman said: “Ms Burke is getting the full amount she’s entitled to

You know what? I would say that she's getting far more than she's entitled to. Far more than she deserves. Every one of this girls problems are of her own making and now she expects the taxpayer to step in and sort it all out
What made this article even more entertaining than it could have been, was the comments section. 70 comments and climbing, most of which have zero sympathy for this girl and her situation. And when the comments got to about 30, she waded in herself and tried to justify the whole thing. LOLZ as they say

She had a part time job when she took out the finance agreement, so could afford the £270 per month car. Justified
She was on contraception when she got pregnant. Justified
The father has no money so can't contribute. Justified
The internet is for Uni. Justified
She can't live with her parents due to space. Justified

And no article about Universal Credit would be complete without the following little soundbite:

“I have to chose between heating and eating.”

via GIPHY