Say it! Say we are Unagi!

Obesity!

Wow! I don't want to visit Scotland then. I might catch fat

More than 100,000 young Scots are now obese, with current methods of measuring weight at risk of underestimating the scale of the problem by as much as half, researchers said.

Really? The current method of measuring is BMI and that truly is bollocks, but it doesn't underestimate peoples weight, it vastly over estimates it. The childhood obesity epidemic can be seen to be nonsense by anyone who goes out in public with their eyes open. You can clearly see that most children are not overweight, let alone obese. The majority of the ones who are carrying a little extra weight will do away with that long before they grow into adulthood anyway

No, the childhood obesity epidemic is not real, it's only made up figures on paper. And it's BMI that allows those paper figures to be falsely created, by overstating the weight of the population

What the very first paragraph of this article is telling us, is that there is probably twice as many fat kids as BMI is telling us

Experts at the University of Strathclyde warned there are “large numbers of children and adolescents” whose weight is “apparently healthy” when their Body Mass Index (BMI) is calculated – but who despite this have “an excessively high body fat content”.
Rather than using BMI – which is based on height and weight – the researchers said using an alternative method to measure obesity would provide a “far more accurate picture of the scale of the problem”.

Why on Earth do we need a measuring system at all? What is wrong with the Mark One Eyeball? Just get the class to walk single file past the school nurse while she says, "Fat, not fat, fat, not fat, not fat, huge, not fat, fat..." etc

The problem with an accurate system, one that actually tells us if people are fat or not, rather than one that extrapolates 'fatness' data into paper figures, is that it gives us a true answer. The childhood obesity epidemic is a complete fiction

However they said the method would also be “more costly” to use, with more time needed to establish if youngsters are a healthy weight or not.
Despite this, Professor John Reilly of Strathclyde’s School of Psychological Sciences and Health said it “could be worth the consideration and investment”.

And if you can't prove the epidemic, you don't get paid

He recently led a study of obesity in Africa, which involved 1,500 primary schoolchildren across eight separate countries.

Obesity in Africa? Blinking hell, it's like selling snowballs to Eskimos

This found a significant disparity between the level of children defined as obese by BMI (9%) and those classed as obese by excessive fatness as measured by total body water – with this deuterium dilution method resulting in 29% being put in this group.

Garbage in, garbage out. What other way is there to demonstrate an obesity problem in a country better associated with pictures of distended bellies and Bob Geldof asking for two pounds a month?

“The deuterium dilution measure would be more costly and would take longer than BMI – three to four hours compared with 15 to 20 minutes for BMI – but it would present us with a far more accurate picture of the scale of the problem.

There can be no system, real or imagined, that takes three to four hours to determine if a child is obese. This is beyond bollocks

“This generation will face a range of challenges, including the impacts of climate change...

Ok, I'm done. Climate change? We're all the way down the rabbit hole now