Funniest inappropriate comment of the week (and other stories)

The Lancashire Telegraph ran a Heart wrenching story today, about a woman who had her child 'kidnapped'.
Apparently her Turkish husband left her and went back to his family in Turkey. She went on holiday to Turkey in order to let him see the child. After some toing and froing with the family, he buggered off with the kid and hasn't been seen since. She could do no more in Turkey to find the child, so had to come home and pursue matters from over here.

There was one comment on the story when I picked it up (since deleted)

"Did you bring any fags back?"

I ruined a company keyboard that will no doubt come out of my meagre wages.

(I just pissed myself laughing at that again, while reading it back. Mrs Bucko gave me a funny look and said, "You know you shouldn't blog when you've had a drink". I love her deadpan humour. This one just keeps giving.)

Totally inappropriate comment but I loved it none the less.

The Telegraph did another story that I didn't get quite so much humour from. Apparently curtain twitching has reached a whole new technological level: 

A TRAIL-BLAZING scheme to slow down motorists has been launched by a community armed with their own speed gun.

This is the future of speed enforcement. The crazy cat lady from down the street who knows everybodys business, now has a speed gun to snap you with from behind the floral drapes.

Busy bodying has really come into it's own with this one.

A 20mph ‘home zone’, the first of its kind in the area, has been set up in the Infirmary neighbourhood of Blackburn, giving pedestrians and cyclists priority over motorists.

Now I was always under the impression that roads were built specifically for motorists to use. It seems the 'speed kills' scare is starting to vilify drivers in the same way that second hand smoke has turned those who enjoy the deadly weed into the new social pariahs.
Volunteers are now being trained how to use a speed gun.
Any motorists caught speeding will have a police warning letter sent to their home.

A warning letter because a speed reading taken by a volunteer could never stand up in court. I'm tempted to speed down that street just to get my very own letter and force the police to prove their allegations in a court of law, or face being sued. The camera evidence from Mrs Jones by the chip shop would never be admissible in a court case so they wouldn't have a leg to stand on.

Sgt Paul Schofield backed the scheme and said speeding is the number one issue in that community.

I must take this opportunity to applaud Sgt Schofield, as he has obviously solved all the local crimes. PC of the year. All he has left to investigate is speeding and probably dog poo.

The ‘home zone’ project is a way of ‘reclaiming’ local streets from a traditional domination by cars.

While we're at it, why not reclaim local bridleways from traditional domination by horses; local airports from traditional domination by planes; local fish and chip shops from traditional domination by cod?
Thirty residents are to be trained to use the speed camera and are set to begin using them on the streets shortly.

I have to ask, what kind of a person volunteers for stuff like this?



Twenty_Rothmans said...

Bucko said...

Angry Exile said...

Bucko said...

microdave said...