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His Excellency, Mike Penning, Minister for Road Safety will now make a statement.

Listen up loyal subjects of the state (may it last forever). We are about to enact a new law. All laws are good laws and this new law is good.

The state (may it last forever) hates motor vehicles. Motor vehicle ownership, while not illegal, is frowned upon.

Henceforth, if you choose to purchase a motor vehicle, the state (may it last forever) will enter your details on it's new "You are a criminal" database.

If you are not a criminal you mat opt out of this database by filling in a SORN declaration or purchasing car insurance.

We will then transfer your details to our "You may not currently be a criminal but we are watching you" database.

The State (may it last forever) will supply a number of car insurance options. Please visit Direct.gov/gocompare.

Please note, prices may be prohibitively expensive and will increase way above inflation each year. This is to protect the kiddies. Measures to protect the kiddies are good and must not be questioned.

If you should choose to purchase a motor vehicle, please ensure you follow all the laws surrounding the use of such a vehicle.

Never use a mobile communication device, even when stationery or driving an automatic. If you do, you will kill a kiddie. The State (may it last forever) must protect all kiddies.

Never smoke in your motor vehicle. This is to protect the kiddies from passive smoking. This law applies even when kiddies are not in the vehicle. In order to cut costs our benevolent secret police service has been instructed to only pursue ideological crimes. Therefore, they cannot spend their time checking if you are breaking the law, they must just assume that you are.

Always wear a seat belt. The State (may it last forever) is responsible for your own safety*.

*The State (may it last forever) is only responsible for your safety until you hurt yourself. Responsibility is then passed to the NHS*.


*To keep costs down, the NHS may only choose to treat those deemed ideologically sound.

Mini motos' may be purchased but may never be driven anywhere

This statement will be repeated every day in all media outlets until you are sufficiently conditioned.

Long live the coalition.

Long live the state.

9 Comments:

Quiet_Man said...

Bravo :-D

NewsboyCap said...

Bucko,
excellent post, but you should have pointed out that we the people cannot own motor vehicles, only the State (may it live forever) may own vehicles. This is why there must be strict adherence to the states (may it live forever)rules.
You are only the registered keeper check the log book.

Bucko said...

Newsboy - Quite true. I forgot to mention that if you purchase a motor vehicle, it's only on loan from The State (May it last forever).

Dioclese said...

...und next ve are going to force ze cyclists to buy zer turd party insurances, init?

(Actually, the fuckers ought to be insured. In Switzerland there is a state third party insurance scheme for cyclists which costs £5 a year. My neighbour was hit by a cyclist. He came out of a side turning straight into the bloke's car and did an alarming amount of damage. Needless to say, the fucker wasnt insured - which seems unfair - and could not be prosecuted for careless driving as he has no licence. Don't start me on fucking cyclists...)

Bucko said...

Should have took his fucking bike and sold it on ebay

Furor Teutonicus said...

Should have taken the bastards Kidneys and sold them on E-Bay. The same for ALL "cyclists". Fucking twats EVERY one of them, WITHOUT exeption.

will said...

Great let's spread state control. Us motorists are taxed, registered and coerced so everyone should be. Smokers are taxed and ostracised so biscuits should also be punitively taxed and noone should have a tea break within 50ft of an impressionable child.
Don't you see how this kind of reactionism plays into the hands of the state? Problem-reaction-solution equals control and income. Something I've had to accept since learning of libertarianism is that liberty can only exist where freedom is reciprocal. How can I object to the state curtailing my freedom whilst simultaneously asking the state to curtail the freedom of others. There are countless things I would rather other people didn't do but I'm sure they feel the same way about me. Without the coercive power of the state one group cannot use that power against another. Health freaks couldn't tax smokers and drinkers and none of you would be able to call for the coercive compulsory insurance of twats on bikes.
As an anarchist id say that a free market in legal systems, insurance and roads would solve all these kind of problems. With no state there would be no compulsory insurance so premiums would be cheaper, there would be no unnatural regulation so the market would be more competitive, private road businesses would respond to market demands and I suspect that so long as it wasn't too expensive you would not see bikes, horses, caravans, trucks etc sharing the same lanes as cars. Private health insurance free of anti discrimination laws would probably charge more for people intending to cycle on the roads. In order to get car insurers to pay damages to cyclists reciprocal arrangements would be necessary thus cyclists would pay for damage. Free market law would be faster cheaper more available and more effective so even individuals who exercised their personal responsibility and chose not to insure against risk could still be liable.
I'm a motorist and a cyclist twat. I don't believe cyclists have a right to be on any road. Cycling is the same as horse riding. It is a hobby. Just because the state has made driving prohibitively expensive some twats now cycle everywhere. Without the state they could afford to drive and keep their hobby offroad how it should be.

will said...

The Swiss once wrote a good constitution (if you think the dual coercions of democracy and the state are a good thing) but apart from that they.can be a bunch of iliberal cunts..they have laws dictating when you can flush your toilet and now your lawn ffs! All their vehicle laws are insane - you can look up names and addresses from number plates, powerful or noisey cars are banned. They are away with the Eco fairies.
If you want an exclusive environment like a road without bikes or a housing estate without flushing you can't achieve. it by coercion. You're going to have to go private then absolutely everything that is.voluntary is completely fine

Furor Teutonicus said...

XX Will said... Without the state they could afford to drive and keep their hobby offroad how it should be. XX

The trouble is, most of them here seem to think "off road" means the bloody pavement.