The International Press. Advertise Here For Free.

So, you are the pastor of a small crappy church with a congregation of only fiftyish? How are you ever to make a living? Those collection plates don't fill themselves.

What you need is a much bigger congregation. You need to get the word out and the flock in. Here's how to do it.

First, pick a rival group. One that has influence throughout the globe, like the Muslims. Next, pick something they revere such as the Koran. Contact all your followers and announce a Koran burning day on a significant date. Say the anniversary of 9/11.

Now just sit back and give it a few days. Slowly the story will begin to travel beyond your limited congregation. Local media will pick up on it. Soon it will be in the national then international media. Your president will be discussing it on telly. Other countries leaders will talk about it. Generals in Afghanistan will have a pop. Soon you will be an international media sensation.

Don't worry too much. You don't actually have to do this stunt. Simply cancel it the day before it was due to go ahead.

You see? Free advertising from the entire worlds media. It doesn't get any better than this. Now you can just wait for the money to start rolling in. You are gonna need a bigger collection plate. Hell, you are going to need a bigger church.

Alternatively, you could always get a proper job and stop living off the insecurities of your fellow man.