How to manipulate the taxpayer. Lesson one.

You're a local council. You have had an endless supply of taxpayers cash for the last thirteen years and you have been spending it like a cunt.
Trouble is, a new government has taken power and told you to stop wasting all this money because there isn't any left.
What do you do?

If you stop wasting money and start properly budgeting and accounting for what you get, the people are likely to realise very quickly that you have been pissing their hard earned cash up the wall for a long time. They are not going to like this one little bit. Remember you have convinced them that all your spending projects are necessary. Well done you!

You don't want this because it is likely to cause you unnecessary troubles.
Don't worry, all is not lost. Just follow this easy formula.

First tell the people that you have had terrible spending restrictions placed on you by an unfeeling government. This, of course, is their fault not yours.
Next, pick something that the people consider to be important to them. The local leisure centre for example, and announce that you have to close it. You say that because of the cuts you can no longer afford to keep it open. Explain that all other avenues have been exhausted. Give a list of other local amenities that you considered closing but have "saved".

(You may get some local Libertarians who would argue that this facility would be better in the hands of private enterprise anyway. Just ignore them. There aren't enough of them to matter)

Now just sit back for a bit and watch the outcry. People will not be happy. They will protest. They will write letters and form campaign groups to fight the closure. If you have done your job right, all their anger will be directed at the government rather than yourselves.

While this is going on you need to look for other ways to save money behind the scenes. Cut back on some of the wastefulness but don't let it go public.

This is the good bit. Once the public anger has reached its peak, hold a council "meeting" then announce that you have managed to scrape together the money to keep the leisure centre open after all. After listening to the will of the people, as you are their servants, you have worked tirelessly to do their bidding.

Don't worry, they won't ask where the extra money has come from. They won't accuse you of wastefulness. They will just be so grateful that you have fought their corner against the unfeeling, uncaring government. You will be heroes.

Bit of advice for the future though. Next time, don't spend so much fucking money. Then we won't have this problem.

Have a nice day.


JuliaM said...

Bucko said...