The last of the 89 Signs

So far we've fisked 68 of the '89 Signs you might be a massive Tory. See previous posts for more

It's now time to put this short series to bed and do away with the last 22

69. Loving the royals
This is probably another Toff thing or old person thing, but I'm sure there's many a Tory out there who think the Royals are a waste of money, just as there will be many Lefties who think they're quite a good idea because of tourism and stuff


70. Getting a San Pelli in your meal deal
I can't comment on this because I've no idea what one of those is and I can't be bothered to Google it. My meal deals come with a Big mac


71. Knowing Latin even though it’s a dead language
Most people don't have much of a bloody choice on this one, if they still teach Latin in secondary school, like they did in mine
Latin does still have it's uses, even though it's a dead language, but it should only be taught in further education and studied by those who would need it for a career
Not sure it makes you a Tory though
 
72. Studying the following: Agriculture, Art History, Classics, Politics, Law or Economics
Because some (not all) of those might actually get you a job when you leave University? To be a good little Socialist, you need to do Gender Studies
 
73. Calling dinner “supper”
So what are you if you call 'Tea', 'Dinner'?
 
74. Always getting birthday cards and presents for everyone you know
Wow! Yeah, don't be a twat and buy people things, that's not good. I dunno, it's not something I do, but Mrs Bucko loves birthdays, as do quite a lot of people
 
75. Having impeccable manners by doing the following: Calling your friend's visiting parents by their title eg. Mr and Mrs Smith, always making sure you say goodbye and thank you after any event, loving to write thank you cards, never pouring your own drink first, taking the napkin and folding it up on your lap, buttering your bread really weirdly and breaking it up
Manners. Manners are now bad. To be a good little socialist, you must call your elders by their first names, loose the pleasantries of conversation, ignore those who have bought you gifts, serve yourself first, and eat your bread dry. What a load of bollocks. So being a good little Socialist means being a bit of a dick to everyone
 
76. If something is ever wrong with a restaurant order, asking to speak to the manager and demanding a refund
If something is wrong with your order, then it's perfectly acceptable to get it sorted. Grinning and bearing it should not be an option. Anyone who works in the restaurant business will tell you that
Of course there are ways to complain. Not being a dick about it is a good start, but complaining does not make you a Tory or a bad person
 
77. Mum or dad making some kind of homemade produce, jam, honey, apple cider, soap yoghurt, chutney, ale, slow gin
What's wrong with making your own stuff. Especially Gin?
 
78. Thinking family holidays to exotic places are a chore
Anyone over fifteen years old thinks family holidays are a chore, regardless of where they get dragged to

 79. Thinking South East Asia is “overrated” because there are too many Americans there
Does anyone actually think that? Anyone? 
 
80. Saying “bloody” a lot
Bloody Hell, this girl is a cretin
 
81. Going home for the weekend and coming back with four bags of Waitrose produce
Produce. Only Tories say produce. Other people say food. But again, here we go with the hating your parents offering a helping hand

82. Pretending to like Spoons
Spoons as in the thing you use to dig iced cream, or Weatherspoons. Could it be possible that they actually do like spoons and aren't pretending? The atmosphere is a bit naff and the service slow, but the prices are good and they let you try your ale before you but it. Oh...
 
83. Secretly wanting to repeal the fox-hunting ban because it's an effective form of pest control
Said by someone who understands nothing about fox hunting

84. Enjoying clay pigeon shooting
She probably thinks all guns should be banned. Clay pigeon shooting is actually very enjoyable though. I would
 recommend it to all


 85. Always being home by 2am on a night out
That might just be an age thing. Personally I like to be home from the ball by midnight
I can't imagine that being out on the piss beyond 2am makes you a Socialist though and going home before that makes you a Tory

86. Loving SkyNews because the Beeb is too left wing
The Beeb is leftwing. So is Sky News. In fact a large portion of the media is very left wing these days. To some people though, anything slightly left of full Communist is the Devils spawn of Anarcho-Capitalism

87. Wearing a ring passed down from your grandmother as a necklace
It just gets worse as we go on, doesn't it. Your Grandmothers ring is a Tory

88. Thinking Pizza Express is an exciting place to eat in
Never heard of it, but I assume it must be full of raving Tories? Maybe thinking a pizza place is 'exciting', just makes you a bit sad?

89. Actually thinking the Green Belt is good for the environment
I'm not really sure why the green belt is supposed to be bad for the environment or otherwise and of course she offers no explanation, as just like the previous 88 'signs', it's nonsense without justification

So was it worth it? What a load of bollocks eh? I predict a bright future for this woman as a Guardian writer. That's assuming the stupid left wing rag hasn't disappeared up it's own arse by the time she graduates with her degree in Gender Studies