I've Seen My Arse Now!

Via Macheath commenting on the previous post, this.

As millions of decent families face benefits cuts, one woman who's never worked in her life is investing hers... in a £4,500 boob job

Most families who are due to lose their child benefit are worrying about how they'll make ends meet without it.

But for Kelly Marshall, who has five children by four different fathers, the handout has never been about paying for nappies, food and other everyday expenses.
She saved her benefit money to help pay for breast enhancement.

She explained: 'I have wanted a boob job since I was a teen. But it wasn't until I had five children that I could afford it - with all the extra benefits I get. Now I hope to have liposuction, a tummy tuck and regular Botox.

'I know most people will think it is wrong I am spending taxpayers' money on my looks. But I deserve it because I am a good mum. Having children has taken its toll on my body. All mums should be able to have cosmetic surgery.

'I don't care that it is at the taxpayers' cost,' she told Closer magazine. 'I am just proud of my looks and family - and it's my decision what the money is spent on.'

'But I don't think me or my children should miss out on nice things just because I have never worked.'

Miss Marshall said: 'They only have three laptops between them so I might have to buy another one soon because they don't like sharing.'

at the detached house that she shares with Lewis, 16, twins Mia and Kallie, 11, Nio, ten, and three-year-old Lenni, Miss Marshall has furnished each of the four bedrooms with a flat-screen TV and keeps a separate wardrobe just for her jeans.


She also says she has a penchant for designer labels, which is shared by her daughters, who 'love Armani'.

I'm not even going to try to comment on this stupid cow and her "fuck you" attitude. I wouldn't even know where to begin, and besides the 735 people who commented on the article have probably said enough about this hideous waste of oxygen and her five kids who are undoubtedly going to grow up exactly the same.

I will say this though. I'm not fucking paying for this any longer. Not without a fight.

I've just mailed the following letter to HMRC:


Dear Sirs


Having just read another example of how the welfare state is paying the terminally unemployed to live a lifestyle that I could never aspire to, I have decided that I am no longer willing the pay the amount of income tax as demanded by HMRC.

I am currently paying an amount of £---.-- per month. Data taken from The Institute Of Financial Studies, Green Budget shows the areas where income tax is currently spent and I have calculated that as a percentage of my personal income tax burden:*

Area of expenditure                  Amount     % of total        My monthly
                                                in billions                          contribution

Social Security & Tax Credits    £136.60     37.23             £--.--
Health                                     £81.50       22.21              £--.--
Education                                £63.30       17.25              £--.--
Police & Public Order               £28.70         7.82              £--.--
Defence                                  £28.20         7.69              £--.--
Government Debt                     £24.50         6.68              £--.--
Overseas Aid                          £4.10            1.12             £--.--

I will require my monthly income tax to be reduced to reflect the following:

Social Security and Tax Credits £0
As stated above, I am no longer willing to pay for lavish lifestyles of those who do not want to work. I have already paid into the system, more than enough to cover a token amount to tide me over in the unlikely event that I am ever unemployed. Being childless, a token amount is all I could ever expect to receive anyway.

Health £7.42
I pay into a comprehensive private health plan and have no children. Therefore, apart from the rare visit to a local GP, I do not use the NHS. Twenty five percent of my current contributions will be more than enough to cover GP services and the possibility of having to use A&E services at some point in the future.

Education £0
As We do not, and never will have children, we have no need for the education system.

Police and Public Order £10.45
As it is not possible to contract out to a similar security service at a similar price, I am happy to continue paying 100% of my current contribution.

Defence £7.71
I am happy to contribute to a strong national defence, however, as we are currently engaged in two illegal wars of which I want nothing to do with, I believe 75% of my current contribution is more than enough. I would be willing to increase this back to 100% when the British Army becomes a defence force.

Government Debt £0
As I have played no part in accruing this debt, I want no part in paying it. If it can be shown that the Government has been forced to borrow money to pay for something which I have used / consumed then I will look at this again.

Overseas Aid £0
Any overseas aid I wish to give can be done through the many charities. I do not wish for the Government to decide where my aid money goes. Particularly considering they have just given a huge tranche to a country with a space and nuclear weapons program than runs into billions of dollars.

I do not currently have satellite television. I’m sure you understand that if Sky TV sent me a bill for their services, I would return it unpaid. As the Government has nothing to offer that I want, I am taking the same action and refusing to pay anything apart from those items detailed above.

This amounts to 19.14% of my current contribution. Therefore, I require you to change my tax code to 1171L to reflect my new contributions. (If my calculations are correct).

I understand this may take some time to complete, however, if I receive my new tax code within the next 30 days, I will not ask for it to be backdated.

I eagerly await your reply.

Yours &c


Bucko


I'm probably starting a fight that I can't win but I'm going to do it anyway. I'm well pissed off.
I'll let you know what happens.

*appologies for the bad formatting. That bit of the letter was an Excel spreadsheet that didn't copy and paste well.


When I ran the spellchecker on this post, all the stupid cow's kid's names came up in yellow. FFS!

Progressive? Why?

What is the fascination with the word, Progressive, in modern politics?

It's a simple word. Surely all it means is making progress. Moving forward. Trouble is, more often than not, progress is not required.

One of the most basic human needs is shelter. Long ago we learned how to build four walls holding up a roof. This provides basic shelter. The problem was, how to get in and out, until some brainbox invented the door.

The door is a simple tool that does the job. You can go both in and out. Its brilliant.

But then the progressives came along. They invented the revolving door, followed closely by the automatic doors. Now we have doors that unnecessarily use energy when all the old doors took was a gentle push to open them. So far, no one has invented a limitless source of energy but we are inventing limitless ways to use it.

You see where I'm going with this?

Just like energy, we don't have a limitless supply of cash yet we invent ever more ways to waste it.

Remember when the NHS first came out? The original idea was that with access to free healthcare, the population would steadily get healthier and the need for an NHS would diminish over time.
Now it's just ballooning out of control. Why? Progression. We started by treating people who were ill. Now we give sex changes and on the NHS. Parents take their kids to the emergency room every time they bump their heads. Pissheads call an ambulance if their pissed up mate passes out.

What about the welfare system? As a civilised society we agreed that if someone finds themselves out of work and unable to support their family, through no fault of their own, they should get help from the state. A small allowance to tide them over until they found employment.
Now we pay people to be alcoholics. We pay mothers who just don't want to work. We pay chavs and wasters who would rather stay at home getting pissed and having kids than go out to work.
We even pay people who want to settle here from abroad, don't want to work and have never even paid into the system.

What about abroad. Again, as a civilised nation we are concerned for the welbeing of our neighbours around the globe. Disasters happen with regular monotony and we are always ready to donate assistance and more often, money when a country is overwhelmed by an incident and people are suffering as a result.
Now? We send millions of pounds to countries that (believe they) can afford a space program and a nuclear weapons program, running into billions.

All this progression has taken it's toll. We're broke. But we haven't learned a thing. All our new policies have to be progressive. We don't need to progress any further. We have progressed quite far enough thank you.
It's time to...

... STOP.

Don't Let Them Take Nibbles Out Of Your Bytes.

Man jailed over computer password refusal

A teenager has been jailed for 16 weeks after he refused to give police the password to his computer.

Oliver Drage, 19, of Liverpool, was arrested in May 2009 by police tackling child sexual exploitation.
Police seized his computer but could not access material on it as it had a 50-character encryption password.
Drage was convicted of failing to disclose an encryption key in September. He was sentenced at Preston Crown Court on Monday.
He was formally asked to disclose his password but failed to do so, which is an offence under the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000, police said.
'Robust message'
Officers are still trying to crack the code on the computer to examine its contents.
Det Sgt Neil Fowler, of Lancashire police, said: "Drage was previously of good character so the immediate custodial sentence handed down by the judge in this case shows just how seriously the courts take this kind of offence.
"Computer systems are constantly advancing and the legislation used here was specifically brought in to deal with those who are using the internet to commit crime.
"It sends a robust message out to those intent on trying to mask their online criminal activities that they will be taken before the courts with the ultimate sanction, as in this case, being a custodial sentence."

What are the key points in this story?
He was arrested in connection with what we can agree would be a serious crime, however he is serving his time for not disclosing a password. "He is of previous good character". Chances are he has nothing to do with the crime that he has been accused of. Maybe he has other reasons for not wanting the police trawling through his PC. Maybe he just values his privacy.

He has been arrested in connection with a sex offence. If he has a large database of legal porn, he may not want the police to see it as they may draw their own conclusions.

I have a large database of websites and information pertaining to Libertarian issues. If I were wrongly arrested in connection with a terror offence, the police may well see me as some kind of subversive.

I have a similar collection of martial arts ebooks and the like. I used to do a lot of martial arts when I was younger and like to keep on top of it. This could also be seen in a bad light if I was arrested for something I had not done.

Have a look through your computer files and your books / magazines around the house. How many of them could paint the wrong picture of you if you ever came to the attention of the law?

As quoted in the above article, ""It sends a robust message out to those intent on trying to mask their online criminal activities"". The keyword there is criminal. What it really means is anyone wanting to mask any activities done on their pc. If the police ask to see your database, you must comply.

I would like to think that any request for information on my PC would be backed up by a court order, and that order would only be obtained after the police had supplied sufficient evidence to the courts that I was involved in criminal activities. However, I am not that naive.

The reason this lad is now in jail is because he had a 50 character password. They are probably referring to the security program PGP.

When PGP first came out in America, the authorities made moves to outlaw it. They also wanted to ban research into encryption algorithms and keep it for themselves. They wanted to make you , as a concerned citizen, liable to fines or imprisonment if you dared own software capable of making your files inaccessible to them.

This went tits up when PGP was immediately distributed on the Internet as freeware. Since then, Phil Zimmerman, the software's creator, was harassed for three years and taken to court by the American government for allowing his own software to "escape" from the USA. All under the guise of anti terror, anti drugs. The usual suspects and this was (I beleive) about 20 years ago.

I have never been tempted to use this program or anything similar. The simple reason is, a 50 character password says to any casual observer, "look at me, I've got something to hide".

You don't need encryption software to keep your private information safe, particularly in this day and age with drives that have huge storage capacity.

My preferred method of keeping data secret is not to encrypt it, but to hide it among vast amounts of other information.

For example, download a copy of the Encyclopedia Britannica, pick a subject, say, the Alaskan Moose and replace that chapter with the data you want to keep secret. Only you know where it is or even that it is there. Anybody wanting to gain access would have to read through most of the encyclopedia just to find it. You can be put in jail for refusing to disclose a password, but not a passage in an encyclopedia.

You can also use this trick when emailing sensitive information. Send so much data that your secrets will never be picked out from among it. Only your recipient knows to look under "Moose's".

USB data sticks can hold a huge amount of information and can be hidden in very small spaces. If you store info on a USB, never copy it to your PC to work on it / edit it. Do it all with the data on the stick.

Encryption will only serve to flag your data and the police will just "ask" for the password.

If you store personal information on your hard disk and delete it of move it to a USB stick, it isn't really gone. The file has simply been flagged as free space. Unless other data is written over it, it can easily be recovered. Use a program such as Eraser to clean your old files. It's free to download. Eraser doesn't just mark data as free space, it overwrites junk data on top, erases that and does it again. This means that the files can never be recovered.

If you really, really must encrypt then do it wisely. If you have a set of bank accounts and stocks that you are saving incase the worst happens and you get divorced (a good plan), then you may want to use something a bit more secure than what I have stated above. Details on a USB stick that may one day be discovered by the Mrs would be better with some kind of encryption security.  PGP is still the best in my opinion. Pick a good password. Not Beckham or Manchester United. You need a string of characters and numbers that don't make any actual words. Decryption software will break a bad password in minutes. Encryption and decryption also takes time. Only do it to files you wont be accessing often. If you have to access them daily you will get lazy and leave them decripted for the next time, and that is when you will get caught.
And lastly, don't call your highly sensitive file, Otherwomenihaveshagged.doc. Call it "My poetry", or something equally as likely to not get read.

It's your data and you have a right to keep it private.

*Disclaimer* I use the methods above to keep my personal data privete, not to conduct criminal activities and neither am I condoning such. Don't be a cunt.

Child benefit

So the Cameron is stopping child benefit for families where one or more partner earns over £44,000 per year? There's so much running round my head in response to that one, it's hard to put it into words.

What are we doing giving benefits to people who earn over £44,000? I mean WTF?

I spotted this nugget in the Reading Chronicle.

Ruth Fleming, senior organiser at the Home-Start family support charity in Lyon Square, Tilehurst, said: “I think it could be quite tough for middle-income Britain with young families.

Well boo de fucking hoo!

The child benefit system is total bollocks and needs turning completely on its head, not just fiddling with a little bit. Me and Mrs Bucko have no children and we don't intend to have any. As a result we don't use the education system and rarely use the NHS. Our reward? Paying the highest possible tax for people in our income bracket (including fags, booze and petrol taxes) and absolutely nothing in return. We are entitled to no benefits are rarely use anything the government has to offer.

If we chose to have children, we could have them shitting money before you could say "dilated ten centimetres".

"You've had a kid? Ok, here's a big pile of cash."

What we should be doing is taxing people who choose to have children and giving tax relief to those who don't.

You know how much I earn? £14,850 pa*. Mrs Bucko earns slightly less. At least 60% of that goes to the government in tax, and that tax pays child benefits to people earning three times what I do. And the government calls that fair. Cunts!


*My paltry wage is due to my lifestyle choices and I'm not moaning about it. We survive. What I am moaning about is having to pay towards the lifestyle choices of other people.

How to avoid smoking in 10 easy steps.

1) Excess vanity
2) Psychotherapy
3) Stomach staples
4) Just don't do it?
5) Get pissed
6) See 4
7) Valium and Tamazipan
8) The Betty Ford Clinic
9) See 4 and 6
10) Body Piercing



So you're a vain alcoholic on a yo-yo diet who relies on therapy and tranquilisers and is in and out of rehab? Bet you're glad you don't smoke any longer. By the way, your belly button ring looks septic.

And if you're not so fond of pretentious kids, this one will make you puke



Have a good evening, smokers!

10:10 Poster Campaign

As spotted by the Grumpiest of old Twats, 10:10 have a "Make your own poster" facility.

*Glee*

Poster Maker

Saturday Night Moose Music.

I've had a shit day, me. See below. I still cant get all the oil off.
I'm not in the mood for anything in particular tonight, just something to bang my head a bit while the Guinness goes down.
Here goes:

















Thats a bit better. The blood pressure is back within tolerance levels.

No more fixing oil leaks for a long time, hopefully. The next project is rebuilding the rear arches with some body fillier and a cornflakes box. Should be fun.

When the boredom strikes

As I was trawling through my collection of pictures looking for the slideshow of Blackburns finest, I came across this:

Its a tiny farm and outbuildings I once made when I was working in a pub and got extremely bored. It's made from sweeteners, coffee, mint and a broken lolly stick. Go me.

Sorry for the crappy blogging but I've had a bad day and the Guinness is going down very well tonight. I promise I'll be embarrassed in the morning.

Welcome to Blackburn!

For your enjoyment!

Club SthlmVip2

Thars nowt worse than oil

I've had a disasterous afternoon working on Mrs Bucko's car.
A "simple" oil leak turned in to a spill worthy of BP.

I've spent hours cleaning up oil off the street with flour and detergent. There is still a large white patch on the road.

I'm praying for lots of rain tonight.

I hate oil, with a passion.